


This Moment

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Sex, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2004-06-22
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:26:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius Black has been missing for twelve years, only most of the wizarding world is unaware of that fact, save four, who know and remember him. On that twelveth anniversary, his former lover stumbles upon something left behind...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Twelve Years Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

TITLE: This Moment

AUTHOR: Maple Tide

E-MAIL: mapletide@fastmail.fm

DISCLAIMER: The characters involved that are from the Harry Potter universe are the property of J. K. Rowling and any publishers that she uses. I'm just borrowing them for my own nefarious purposes. The plot involved, any stray characters that may crop up, and any other things that don't belong to her belong to me. Understood? =) Good.

RATING: NC17 overall, PG-13 this part

CATEGORY: Slash Romance/Supernatural/Angst

KEYWORDS: Sirius/Remus. Alternate Universe. WAAAY A/U

SPOILERS: PS/SS, CoS

ARCHIVE: Azkaban's Lair can have this, as well as my own website, and FF.net. When it gets back up. Maybe.

FEEDBACK: Please? I can be reached at mapletide@fastmail.fm

SUMMARY: Sirius Black has been missing for twelve years, only most of the wizarding world is unaware of that fact, save four, who know and remember him. On that twelveth anniversary, his former lover stumbles upon something left behind that might give him the opportunity to lure him back from the fate that he gave himself over to.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I was working on Part 3 of "From First Bite to Last Breath" when this struck me. I know I have hundreds or more WiPs, but this one is pulling at me too, and I might devote a bit of attention to it, now that it has me in its grasp. Sigh. Be patient with me, will you? =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part I: Twelve Years Gone

A wave of sadness washed over him as he stood there, sifting through the items in the trunk. These things, they had once belonged to his flatmate.

Remus Lupin closed his eyes against the wave of pain that came at the memories that flooded him. Distantly, he could hear Harry tossling with one of the Weasley children, but it wasn't the here and now that held him frozen and caught where he stood. It was a devilish grin, one that had stolen the hearts of many, and dancing grey eyes so filled with life. A strong pair of arms and long legs completed the picture. Those arms had wrapped around his waist and lifted him to the sky. Then, he had thrown his head back and laughed as the world spun around him, and the only anchor he had was the man who held him captive.

The pain tore through him. No, Sirius Black had not been only his flatmate, but his best friend, and the one who knew him best. They had been in love since they were fifteen, and it had lasted. It lasted, even now.

He closed his eyes against the pain and went back to sorting through the items in the trunk. Sirius' school robes, some folded, and some just crammed inside. A faint smile touched his lips as he recalled that it was more for fear of running out of time that he had crammed them in so, for there was never fear of running out of space. Not in this trunk, a magical one that his mother had given him shortly before he had skipped merrily off to Hogwarts to learn of many things. There were other things. Wizarding pictures of them all. James, Lily, himself and Sirius.

Another image darting in and out of the picture brought a bitter remembrance. Over twelve years ago, Peter Pettigrew had been found to be working with the Dark Lord against the Light. Sirius himself had been the one to find out about him, and had told them of it. They had worked hard to find evidence of it while trying not to act as suspicious as they had been feeling at the time. Finally, they had tried him for treason, and sentenced him to a lifetime in Azkaban fortress.

It had taken long months for it all to come right, and it had. Sirius had sent Harry to some of their dear friends, and insisted that they all go out and celebrate the conviction. James had thought him mad, and even Remus had been unable to understand. Yet, when Sirius Black wanted something, he got it, and so they had gone out to celebrate. The celebration had extended until the morning, when they had made love.

One last time. That thought rang in Remus' head. It had been for one last time before he had been gone forever. He remembered that the last time he had seen him was that afternoon. Sirius had laughed, and told him that he needed to get over to the Ministry to make himself proper.

Remus had arched an eyebrow at that and told him, 'Sirius Black and proper are two mutually exclusive terms.'

'Be that as it will,' Sirius told him. 'It needs to be done. Who am I to scream for Ministry reform and the battle for the Light if I am off about as an unknown myself? What can I say, Moony? You're wearing off on me.'

He had laughed at that. At the time, they both had. It would be back to the battle field in the morning, they both knew. The Light still needed to keep striving against the Dark, or else they would all fall under a time darker than ever they could have known. Remus couldn't even comprehend what it would be like, and every time he watched Lily and James smile over their fifteen month old son, it occurred to him that he did not ever want young Harry to know that darkness either.

It was for that reason, and so many others, that he kept on fighting. That all of them kept on fighting. And so he had smiled, and wished his lover a good day, certain that he would be back that night. Yet his eyes had danced over the form of his lover, his friend, his confidant -- his everything -- as he had straighted to head out the door into the cold, cruel world. Or so he had put it then.

It had struck Remus as odd that Sirius would put it that way; it was the middle of summer, and Harry's second birthday was to be in a week.

As he had looked upon Sirius, he recognised the love there, the pride, and the honour. All of the things that Sirius Black knew and personified so well. Then he was out the door and gone.

That had been twelve years ago.

Remus sat back on his heels and continued remembering the things he had been trying not to. That the Ministry had done all the work they could have done, but it was as though he had just disappeared, that as soon as he left the flat, the streets of London had simply swallowed him whole, never to reappear. They kept looking for a year until they didn't think they could look any longer. There had been no clues to his disappearance at all, no sign of the Animagus form he had worn for six years, nothing at all. They had said it was so odd, but with nothing to go on, they could not have kept looking.

That wasn't the only oddity associated with Sirius' disappearance. A week afterwards, one of the dementors had turned on their Lord and swallowed what was left of the soul, of the spirit of the entity that was Voldemort. Afterwards, the rest of the Death Eaters had scattered in fear, only to be caught by Aurors so they couldn't resurrect the former unit.

James had been a part of that unit, and had come to Remus' office afterwards, exhausted. He had sat down in one of the chairs, shaken his head, and told him,

'It was too bloody **easy** , Moony. It was like they were the lambs to the slaughter. It shouldn't have been that easy. What in the sodding hell is going on here?'

He hadn't had an answer for his friend then, and he still didn't have one now. Yet, that wasn't the strangest thing. The strangest of all the incidences was what had happened three weeks after the capture of the Death Eaters. It was the night where Remus had sat naked, with his knees pulled up to his chest, and watched the full moon fill the sky, waiting for the painful transformation that never happened.

On his way back to the flat, Remus had started putting some pieces together. He was almost there when he could hear Sirius' voice echoing through his mind in a memory of seventh year, when he had talked about becoming an Auror and taking down all of Voldemort's army single-handedly. When Lily and James had informed him he was talking crazy, he had smiled that careless smile and told them both, 'Well, lovelies, you know me. I am the stereotypical Gryffindor. House of the Brave or the Too Stupid to Know Better.'

Oh god, Sirius... what have you done?

He had stopped, and immediately Apparated to the house in Godric's Hollow. He remembered that day oh so well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rain fell around him as he tried to regain his balance so he approach the house to let Lily and James know he was there. The door opened and little Harry grinned hugely before launching himself at him. 'Remy! I knew you were here! I could feel you!'

He had startled as the boy had nearly knocked him firmly onto his arse, and had wrapped his arms around the boy in little more than reflex. After a moment, he looked down at the boy with James' face that peered up at him so enthusiastically. He had tapped the lad on the nose, which earned him a fit of giggles before the boy had let go and gone racing back to hide himself behind his mother, still giggling.

'He is quite fond of you,' Lily told him. 'We weren't expecting you, Remus.'

'I wasn't expecting to be here,' he admitted.

'Well, do come in, Remus,' she said, standing aside. He stepped into the coolness of their house that came nowhere near matching the chill that had overcome him when a few things just sort of clicked within his own mind.

Lily turned, and in her way, perceived something of the reason he was there. She smiled and told her son, 'Go find da for me.'

With nothing else said, Harry scampered off to do just that. Lily had then turned to Remus and grasped him by the elbow and led him into the kitchen. After forcibly seating him at the table, she had crossed the room. Before he had managed to overcome his shock, a familiar scent wafted under his nose; Lily's extra-strong tea that he swore had a hint of Muggle brandy in it, and could loosen the tongue of the most hesitant speaker.

'Are you going to tell us what's going on, Moony,' James' voice asked from the doorway. 'Harry claims it's something important.'

'How on earth did you ever gain such a perceptive child, Prongs?'

A twisted grin crossed James' face. 'Luck, I suppose. Now are you going to tell me, or are you going to have to drink Lily's tea?'

Remus chuckled and turned to the worried Lily Potter, 'You know, you shouldn't have bothered. Yes, what I have to tell you is important, and I don't need to be coerced into doing so. Will you both sit? Trying to talk to you as you are right now is going to be difficult, and what I'm thinking about is difficult enough without that.'

They had sat, and he had started trying to explain. Their shock at what he **hadn't** experienced was palpable. He knew they had worried about him, it had been a tangible thing during past weeks. The concern of what he would do without Padfoot there on full moon nights had been on everyone's mind. The previous night had provided the last answer any of them had expected. That he would sit there under the light of the full moon and just stare at it for the first time since he was five years old... that was something nobody had been expecting. Most certainly not him.

He saw that they remembered as well as he. Too many things that Sirius had claimed he would do that seemed so impossible at the time were happening. Remus' lycanthropy was the first thing he had sworn he would find a cure for, ever. Then there was the line he had made about conquering Voldemort and the Death Eaters single-handedly, despite the fact he had sounded as though he was boasting for all the younger students. And the last thing, which had happened first; that he would find who was going to betray the Potters and make certain that it never came to pass.

They all sat in shock.

'How is it possible?' Lily asked.

'All I know,' Remus answered, 'is that it seems that it's a very old, very dark kind of magic.'

'So Sirius is in trouble?'

'No,' Remus told James. 'He sacrificed himself. We don't know whether he's alive, or whether he's dead. We just don't know.'

'When will we?'

There was only silence at that, and they had remained in silence most of the rest of the evening.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Had it really been twelve years?

Remus ignored the pain shooting through his legs at the position he had taken for so long, and let out a low sigh.

Only days after that conversation, Lily and James had insisted that he move into the house with them. He had resisted them for over a year, insisting that he didn't want to impose. He had never been a person to impose, but there were more reasons than that for his refusal. If he accepted the offer of the empty room in the house, he would have to stop wallowing in the memories.

During the day, he continued his work as an Auror, and rose up through the ranks even swifter than anyone had any right to expect. He buried himself in the work so he didn't have to think about any of the things he had been thinking about on that night. The fact that he was declared to have experienced a spontaneous remission from the lycanthrophy only helped him there.

Unfortunately, it also led to a lot of questions he didn't want to answer, that hurt too much to answer, and frankly, that most people wouldn't believe. Even in the wizarding community, he doubted people would believe him if he told them that he thought his lover had sacrificed himself in order to gain that result. So he kept silent, and withdrew more and more from people so that he could return to his flat and inhale the faint scent of Sirius that still remained.

James had finally convinced him, and they had spent a month doing all the transferring. Harry had been excited, and trying to help, but ended up getting more in the way. Remus had tucked Sirius trunk in his closet, and they had kept the motorbike -- oh gods, the Shadow, the only thing that compared to his love for me, or so he always did claim -- in a shed in back that had originally used by Remus when he had undergone the Transformations.

With a sigh, he leaned forward and peered back into the trunk again.

'Remus?'

It was Lily. Remus turned to look at her over one shoulder, and felt a length of brown hair fall into his face. He blew it away in annoyance, and heard her giggle at the gesture.

'What are you doing?'

'Going through some things,' he told her.

'Isn't that Siri's old trunk?'

The old nickname sent another twinge through his heart, but he nodded at her.

'It's been twelve years, hasn't it?'

He nodded again and turned away to look back at the contents of the trunk. Robes aplenty, for both work and school, parchment, his old textbooks, the pictures, and even some things from Honeydukes that Sirius had sworn he was going to eat but never had the chance to.

They hadn't had enough time for too many things, and they didn't even know that time had been running short. He closed his eyes again, and could almost see Sirius standing there in front of him. He knew better than to reach out and destroy the illusion. Right now, when there seemed to be nothing else, he needed his illusions like he needed to breathe, and like he needed his wand to feed his magic through.

'What are you going to do, Remus? Are you going to accept that proposal of Dumbledore's?'

He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about how evil had come back to attack the son of the Potters the last year. Up until then, he had known a simple enjoyment of life, no complications, nothing. He would show up at home talking about how well he was doing in Transfiguration, or what silly git Dumbledore had gotten to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts this year. Remus smiled faintly; James had gone off in a tirade when he had heard about them hiring Lockhart, while Lily had done this fake simpering melodrama over him that had only enraged him more.

Harry, for his credit, had just laughed.

'Remus?'

'I don't know, Lily. I really don't. I want to enjoy the break from the Aurors without having to worry about teaching the kids,' he admitted, but the more he thought about it, the more it showed itself to be a lie. He didn't want to have to think about things, even now, but he had to. It was time.

'Well, they could hire Lockhart back...'

He snorted, 'And James would throw a fit. Maybe he should go teach the kids.'

'He would, you know,' she said, leaning her head on Remus' shoulder. 'But Dumbledore offered the job to **you** , Remus. It's quite an honour, you know.'

'I know. I'm just not capable of thinking about it today.'

'Remus, we all miss him.'

He shook his head at her statement. 'Harry doesn't even remember his godfather. Nobody outside of you, me, and James do. You know.'

She sighed, but didn't disagree with his statement, and he went back to rummaging through the trunk of Sirius' things. With a frown, he found himself holding something, and he turned to Lily with a surprised look. She looked from the object in his hand to Remus and back again.

It was Sirius' wand. Wherever he had gone, he had gone there unarmed.

'Oh, Remus...'

He heard her, but didn't respond. He dug into the trunk as though a man possessed, although if she had asked him, he didn't know what he was looking for. He was just looking for **something**. Something that should be there. After a moment, he realised Lily was helping him look.

It must have taken them a half-hour before they found it. Lily touched his shoulder and passed it to him. It was a frail piece of parchment.

It was Sirius' last letter to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~TBC~


	2. Times of Weakness

[Disclaimers and other information in Part 1]

Part II: Times of Weakness

Remus found himself looking -- staring -- at the piece of paper he held in his hands. Not even paper, as he understood it, because this was an ancient piece of parchment, or at least it looked that way. Lily knelt next to him, studying his face, and on that day, on the day that marked the twelve years since Sirius had disappeared from them, he couldn't bring himself to be strong or do any of the things he would have normally done.

He had bound himself to this man, and if what he thought was the correct assumption, he had walked out without a word. He had been the protector to so many people. He had protected Peter with his brashness, with his fist, and with that wit of a tongue. He had protected James by giving him the space to figure out exactly who James Potter was, without expectations, and without pressure. He had protected Lil in the same vein. Oh, but it was different between them, it had always been different.

His protection was a physical force, that of looking into his eyes and knowing when he hurt, and how best to assist in the healing of the pain. If it meant to leave him alone for over a year because he couldn't bring himself to forgive the man for something one of his acts of brash harshness had done, then that was what Sirius had done. Never mind the fact that he always had a knack, a knack he so hated in himself, of forgiving almost immediately. He needed the time, they both did, and when they came together again to rebuild their friendship, it was with a deeper understanding.

And more than he ever wanted to know about the nature of Sirius' family.

That was the first time Remus had had to admit that his closest friend in the world wasn't perfect. He hated it, it gave him a more jaded view of the man, but what followed afterwards was somehow more pure than what had been before. It had been after that happened that he had fallen in love with him.

~You were always my weakness, Sirius Black. Always.~

Yet it was more than that. By being his weakness, Sirius had helped him to confront his own strength. He had discovered in the safety of the friendship they had shared, as well as the very different friendships he had shared with James, Peter, and Lily. Still, at the end of it all, when everything came falling down around him, it was those arms he ran to, and his fingernails digging so deep that they nearly drew blood sometimes.

It was only because of him that he allowed himself these times of weakness. He needed them, in order to go on with his back straight, his eyes calm, and to be the rational person he was at the core of it. That only left him wondering what to do at times like these, when he needed the space to fall apart completely, and it wasn't there. It just wasn't there.

He closed his eyes against the wave of pain that struck him.

'Remus?'

He looked at Lily, who was watching him with worried, observant eyes. With just that one look, Remus could feel the world coming crashing back in upon him, and even the children's cries from outside the window broke through the haze. He looked down at the parchment, and marvelled that it was still intact. He had never seen it before, and it looked as though it had been through a millennium to get to him.

'I'll be okay, Lil. Just as long as I get through today.'

'I know,' she nodded, then moved to rise. 'Do you want me to leave you while you read that? I know it's probably something Sirius meant for your eyes only.'

Remus gave her a sad smile, but shook his head. 'If Sirius had truly never meant for you or James to read this along with me, he would have done what he did -- oh, it must have been hundreds of times -- while we were in school.'

'And that would be?' the green-eyed hellion in disguise asked him.

'He would have enchanted it with a grey-blue eye that moved shiftily from side to side. He thought it would scare off anyone likely to read it, but in the case of you or James or even Harry now, it probably would have called your attention more rather than scaring you away.'

'He never was good at scaring any of us away, was he, Rem?'

'Think that's why he left then, Lil? Since he couldn't manage to scare any of us away, he'd have to leave of his own will?'

Lily looked at him for a long moment, 'Oh, Remus...'

'Don't. It's... it's just one of those days.'

She nodded in acknowledgment and moved to leave the room. 'If you need me, Remus--'

'I'm not that frail, Lily,' he told her with an edge to his voice. 'Go.'

Her face seemed to contract in a frown, but she listened to his words. He was grateful for it. While he wasn't frail, as he had told her, he did feel as though he was on the edge of some immense pain that he wanted no one there to witness. Not her, or James, or even that child they had so happily conceived.

Sirius had given his life to save all of their's, or so he had always theorised, and now, with the note in his hand, he was finally going to have the chance to discover whether he was wrong or right.

That is, if he could get his mind out of the rut it seemed to have fallen into upon this day, and onto opening the note to find out what was inside.

He rose and crossed the room to a table near the window. He peered outside to see a girl about Harry's age standing in the yard, looking entirely exasperated. A moment later, he saw why; Harry and his other friend were soaring through the air on their broomsticks, apparently challenging each other to see who could fly the highest. Then, before his eyes, the other boy swooped down, lifted the girl onto the broomstick, and took off flying again. Remus couldn't help but laugh at the shriek that was heard even through the window, as well as the image of her trying to beat the boy senseless and cover her eyes at the same instant.

Then he placed a silencing charm on the room so that no sound from the outside could penetrate, and chanted a spell to close and lock the door. Placing down his wand, he sat down to open the envelope of parchment. Before he could move to unfold the letter left inside, a musical sound struck his ears and he looked down to see that there had been a ring that tumbled from the envelope as he had pulled the letter out. Bending, he pulled it out so he could study it.

It was still a startlement that he could touch such a thing, even after these twelve years of no transformations at full moon. It was a ring made of pure silver, and had an almost molten appearance. It wasn't a dainty ring, yet not overbearing either. After a moment of looking at the crowned heart settled between two clasped hands, he remembered what it was. A claddagh ring. He could almost hear the legend behind it whispered in his right ear in that low tone Sirius had when he was telling him something that was to be kept privately between the two of them.

He slid it upon his left hand's ring finger with the crown facing outward and felt the ring shift around the finger. Not just any ring then; he should have known that Sirius would have gone for nothing but a purely magical ring that would change to fit the wearer. They had talked of such things, before--

Before.

With a faint sigh, he raised that hand to rub at his forehead in an attempt to stave away the headache he could feel arising before moving to unfold the letter and read the last words that his love had written to him.

**~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ ****

Remus,

Love, I hope you're well. Gods, that seems so ridiculous, given the current cirumstances. I have only just kissed you and promised that I would be on my way out the door behind you, and seen you threaten me. Ah, yes, you threatened me for it is the night of the celebration I have asked you and James and Lily for. I know none of you understand the reasons behind it, and I'm not even sure of all of them right now. So, in risk of incurring your eternal wrath, I shall be along shortly.

I just needed to write this to you, in hopes that it would be preserved after I am gone.

I will be gone soon. I know this. Do you remember that day, last April, when we wandered into the wizarding library and found that book on old spells to petition the gods on? I don't even remember the name of it now. You looked at me as though I had never had any sanity to start with when I suggested that it might come in handy, and I just shrugged at you, and wrote it down anyway. You never know, I said then. You just never know.

As it turns out, it did come in handy. I have used it.

I petitioned the gods only a month ago, for a favour, and oh love, they ask high prices for their favours. So I asked for all of it. Initially, I was merely going to ask for the information about that traitor among us, but when I discovered that it was life-price for whatever I may ask, I asked for all of it. The downfall of all things Dark that we fought against for so long, the chance that Voldemort would never rise again. The chance for Jamie and Lils to raise that son that they strove so hard to bring into this world, this dark horrid world, in the first place.

And you. Gods, I did ask for it all. I asked for that lycanthropy cure. For you. I would have wished it for all werewolves that were caught in the affliction that wished they had it not, but I didn't have that **much life. I just had enough for you, for you. I know I'm getting horridly soppy on you, but I needed to know that if this thing happened to me, that you would be able to... be safe, be happy without me.**

I always did want to find a way to cure you. Any way, if you'll remember.

I wanted so much to ask for more. So much more. Do you know, I wanted to see you, that first full moon. Make love to you. Give you this ring and ask you to wear it for me. You remember the story, don't you?

By the time you find this letter, you might not even remember me, much less the story of the claddagh and all the myriad things we were to each other. That was a risk too, and I knew it, but I took it anyway. More the fool I am, I suppose, not to have wished for the final impossible thing. To be there, to grow old and ancient with you. I wanted to, but looking into the eyes of these gods in their human form gave me the distinct feeling I should stop while I'm ahead.

It's the nastiest of prices, love, to live without people remembering. I will try to find my way back to you, even if it takes eons and eternities, but I know not how successful I'll be.

I just want... I want everything, I suppose.

Just... will you remember me?

Sirius.

~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~**

He knew not at what point he started crying at the letter Sirius had left behind for him. Maybe it was the fact that he could hear Sirius in ever penned word, and in the entire scrawl that danced across the aged parchment. It turned out then, that his suspicions had been right, in a way. He just looked down at the ring upon his finger and shook his head as the tears slowed. Sirius was right; he had been getting soppy.

But he loved him that way, on the rare moments when he would let it show.

It just drove further to home that there were too many things they had never had the opportunity to say to one another.

After several moments, after everything sunk in, Remus rose and released both the spell on the door and the silencing charm. Making his way slowly from the chair, he went to find where James and Lily had gotten off to. While he wasn't sure he wanted them to read the letter, he wanted to let them know of Sirius' fate, for he had been partially right when he had said that he wasn't sure that anyone would remember him.

For all those who weren't close to him, who didn't love him like their own family, there was no memory of Sirius Black. To the wizarding community, the man never existed. Any records that he **had** ever existed had somehow disappeared from public record. However, to he and the other friends who had known him and loved him for the insane fool that he was, Sirius was remembered as he was.

Flaws and all.

When he found them, they were sitting together on the couch, talking about Harry. Remus, for his part, just lingered in the background and listened to them for a few moments before walking in.

'What did McGonagall say about him?'

'That he's better than you are, and that if they're lucky, he will be the completing factor in one of the best House teams in quite a while.'

'Since we left?' There was almost a hint of mischievous smile to James' voice then.

'They've had a couple of good ones since then, I'll have you know.'

'Well, he was elected to the team in first year.'

'Which, James,' Remus said as he made his entrance into the room. 'Is a feat that even you weren't able to manage.'

'True enough, Moony old friend. How are you today?'

The emphasis caught Remus' attention and his lips twisted in a crooked smile. Apparently, his patterns were quite well known by now then. He was strong almost every day of the bloody year, except the one where Sirius had disappeared from them. He closed his eyes against what he knew now and ran the fingers of his right hand over the ring before he sat down on the sofa between the two. James made a joking pout at him, and Lily laughed.

'So, what did he have to say?'

Remus exhaled sharply, 'We were right, all those years ago.'

'You mean, you were right, mate,' James corrected. 'After all, it was you who came to us with your suspicions.'

'Sirius ran across a piece of old magic a year before he disappeared,' Remus explained. 'It was about petitioning the gods for a so-called favour. Sirius thought it might come in handy and he had made a copy of the text, and brought it with him away from the library. As a last resort, he said.'

'So he did it.'

'And it might be while we're all well, alive, and here right now. But gods, I'm so angry with him. Why couldn't he have at least said something?'

'Because he knew that his beloved Remus, forever the voice of reason among us all, would find a way to talk him out of it, and point out other options.'

'He didn't see any.'

'None of us did,' James said.

And only then did the three friends bow their heads and indulge in a rare session of missing that friend that had protected them all, in his own way, the only way he knew how.


	3. Decisions Made

[Disclaimers and other information in Part 1]

Part III: Decisions Made

Remus shot Lily a mischievous grin as they lingered in the kitchen, three nights after he had found the note and ring that Sirius had left behind. Since then, there had been some rather odd dreams that he had his suspicions about, and a intense urge to do **something** to change the situation. Although Remus had some vague ideas about things that he could do, or try to find out about that note, he had to find out more before he could even think about that much. Yet, at the same time, he couldn't go on in this state of not doing anything.

Instead of focussing on what was out of his control at the moment, he focussed more on the immediate: responding to that request Dumbledore had made of him, and -- his and Lily's favourite pastime these past twelve years -- seeing how much they could get under James' skin.

Of course, Remus admitted to himself with a widening of that mischievous grin he was wearing, Lily was able to do it remarkably better and in more ways than he. It was as it should be, considering that she was the one married to the man. She winked at him, and gestured for him for precede her into the dining area. He grinned and did so, and she followed with the dinner she had magicked up for them that night.

Lily waited for a long moment, after everyone had started eating, before bringing up the subject in a comment to James, 'Oh, dear, it looks like Dumbledore is going to have to figure something else to do about the Defense Against the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts.'

James peered at her curiously before turning to Remus, 'Mm? I thought you were taking it, Moony.'

'Can't,' Remus waited a moment to answer until he thought he could contain his amusement. 'There's some research I need to do, and I think it's going to be rather time consuming. I go to see Dumbledore in the morning about this.'

'Ah,' James' eyes lit up in amusement. 'Moony on the hunt again?'

'You could say that,' he smiled.

'Any idea who he's going to contact to do it then? This'll be the third different professor in a row, right, Harry?'

For his credit, Harry managed to nod, although he was probably privately laughing, since this entire scheme was something that was hatched between Harry, Lily, and himself over the past couple of nights. After he read the letter, and put on the ring, Remus had known that there was no way he could take the DADA position until he knew for certain what was going on, and if he could change fate in the slightest. With that in mind, he had gone to Lily while she was talking with Harry after his return from the Burrow, and the three of them had pretty much planned this conversation over dinner.

Remus sipped at a cup of tea to hide his amusement, waiting for Lily to drop the bomb that would send James into orbit. As it turned out, he didn't have long to wait.

'Well, I have heard some talk about Dumbledore rehiring Lockhart. He **has** come out of retirement recently, and is willing to take on teaching the children again,' Lily stated, ignoring the glare her son shot her. He was twelve, nearly thirteen, and definitely did not consider himself a child. He was old enough to attend Hogwarts, after all.

James choked, then asked in a voice sounding far too calm for the circumstances, 'He's **what**?'

'You heard me, James,' Lily replied calmly. 'He's considering hiring Lockhart back.'

'He is **not** getting that stupid, egotistical git to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts! He wouldn't know how to magic his way out of a unlocked room!'

Harry started giggling then, but Lily maintained her calm expression.

'Well, it is his school, is it not?' she teased him. 'He can hire whomever he pleases to teach there. Besides, isn't that assessment of Lockhart a touch harsh? There seem to be many who believe him to be rather expert on the subject of defending against the Dark Arts.'

'He uses Bewitching Charms on his books so people will buy them and make him so bloody rich and famous that he can't see straight,' he grumbled.

'If you have that much of a problem with it, Prongs, why don't you do it?'

'Me? I'm no teacher. I leave that to you, Remus. You've got the patience to deal with them. I, on the other hand, would probably just transfigure them all and storm out of the classroom in frustration.'

'I do think you're exaggerating a touch, James,' Remus reponded with a slight smirk at the image of James flashing a classroom of first year Defense students his glare of death, and transfiguring them all into blocks of stone before leaving the room in a rage. 'Besides, even if you did, I'm certain that McGonagall would have your head mounted upon her wall.'

He groaned at the thought and speared his hands through his unruly hair. 'That's my point! She'd cite me for improper use of Transfiguration, at the very least.'

'Well, think on it this way. At least she wouldn't be able to take House points from you for doing it now.'

They all laughed at that.

James shook his head, 'I still don't think it's something I'd be able to manage in the slightest, Moony. We always did say that you were the teacher among us, and that hasn't changed. I'm good when I have something to do, something to defend against, but the actual teaching of defense takes a sort of patience I don't believe myself capable of.'

'Yet, you believe it of me,' Remus asked with an arch of the eyebrows.

'Well... yes!' he finally exploded.

'And again, you sell yourself short, mate," Remus told him bluntly. 'You are driving all of us mad with your pacing about the house. Yes, you were released from the Aurors, and they've mostly disbanded due to the lack of need for them. If you haven't noticed, I was also released from their service.'

'But he offered the job to you, and you're turning it down for what? A year of research.'

'It's always been my way, Prongs. You know that.'

'That I do,' he nodded. 'What are you researching, anyway?'

'Er,' Remus sighed and shifted uncomfortably. 'I don't know how comfortable I am discussing it at the moment, James.'

'You're going after him,' James said to him. 'Aren't you?'

After a long moment of silence, Remus raised his eyes to his friend's. 'I have no idea what I will find in my research, or even if there is any hope in finding him, but yes, James, I am. Despite the fact that I have no guarantees it'll even be successful, I have to try.'

'Why now? Why not before, during all those years when it pained you the most?'

'It still hurts me, James, just not as much, not as constantly. As to why I haven't taken up the search for Sirius before now, it's the fact that he left me a key, and it took me all these years to locate it,' Remus said calmly in the face of James' sudden anger, then propped his chin on his left knuckle where the silver claddagh ring flashed prominently.

James looked at him, and the ring for a long moment before backing down. Remus hadn't noticed until then how much the feel had turned from a simple over-supper conversation to a match of equal wills. He could almost hear Lily and Harry let out sighs of relief when James cleared his throat and lowered his eyes.

'Who are you going after, Remus?' Harry asked.

'An old friend of ours. You might not remember him, but he-- he was your godfather.'

'Sirius,' he said simply. 'Where did he go? I've been wondering for years, but never thought to ask any of you. This is the first time any of you have mentioned him in years, and nobody else seems to even know who he is. I've asked around.'

All three of them looked at Harry in shock at his questions. By his silence, they could only have assumed that he had been drawn into the same web that most of the rest of the wizarding population seem to have been drawn into. It was as though when Sirius disappeared, there was no recollection of him ever existing at all, except in the minds of those who had known him best. Remus, for his part, recalled many nights where he, James, and Lily had sat and debated the reasons their memory was so clear when the memory of others had faded into nothingness.

Even those that Sirius had spoken to on a day-to-day basis had no recollection of him after the Ministry dropped their initial investigation of his disappearance. They had never reached a conclusion they were comfortable with, and had eventually dropped the conversation. However, this could be enough to revive that old conversation. Maybe.

'Harry...'

'Dad, I'm not stupid, but there's a lot of people who are looking at me like I am, when I ask. Either stupid or completely mad, talking about a person who doesn't exist. It's a magical thing, it has to be. How else would I be able to remember someone that everyone else says never existed. I could describe him to you, if I have to!'

'You don't have to, Harry,' Lily said. 'Or, you can tell me if this is anywhere close to the person you remember. He was tall, lean, and almost casual at any given moment. His hair was long, it was dark, his eyes were light and his skin was tanned.'

Harry nodded, 'He was always smiling, except right before he disappeared. I thought I was imagining it. He'd pop up in my dreams sometimes. And, you know, Mum... things you remember from that far back get sorta blurry...'

'I know. It's not quite as difficult for us to remember, but anyone outside this small circle of family do not remember him,' Remus said, then smiled. 'It's a pity, really, for Sirius was a shining star in everyone's life. Anyone he could touch, he would. It was almost annoying at times.'

'You loved him well enough, Moony.'

'Just because I loved him, Prongs,' Remus said in a tone of exasperation, 'does not mean that I never found myself annoyed by him. The man could be the most insufferable...'

'You loved him?'

'Er, yes, Harry, I did. I still do, as a matter of fact. That isn't something that goes away just because the person does.'

'Do you think I'll ever feel like that. I mean... sometimes Ron looks at Hermione like that, and I feel left out, somehow. They don't mean it, I don't think, and they have these awful rows, but underneath it all...'

He trailed off after that, but then he didn't need to say anymore. Lily and James were often like that, and in fact, Remus remembered with a smirk of amusement that sometimes, before Harry had been born, and even before they had married, the two of them fought just for the sake of being able to have the make-up shag on the sofa in the front room.

Or so James had claimed once in a show of bravado that had led to another of those fights.

After that, the rest of dinner was quiet, as they were all lost in their own thoughts. When finally it was done, the dishes sent to clean and put themselves away with a wave of Lily's wand, and Harry sent to bed, the three adults gathered once again in the front room as they had only mornings before.

'Okay,' James said. 'I'll go see Dumbledore in the morning, but this is just for one year, and afterwards, I'm going to make certain that he holds you to that, where you have to teach DADA. After all, would we have wanted all that teasing from when we were in school to go to waste?'

'We wouldn't want that,' Remus commented dryly. 'I just want to find some answers, either for or against being able to find Sirius. I won't know if I haven't tried, and you know me better than to think I wouldn't give it my all.'

'We know, Remus. But what do you think the chance is...?'

'Before I found this,' Remus admitted, 'I had nearly given up. However, I have not lived my life this long, and survived all that was thrown at me by giving up just when things seemed their most hopeless. I think I'm going to spend a good part of the day tomorrow sifting through the contents of Hogwarts library. Even after everything, I still think it the best source for anything I need to know on the source of magic.'

'If you can't find anything there?'

'Then there's always the library in London where Sirius found the blasted spell to begin with,' Remus said with annoyance. 'That might be the best source, but I'd like to try Hogwarts first, and I do need to do Dumbledore the honour of refusing his offer in person, instead of just owling him no. I owe him more than that.'

James nodded, then rose. 'Shall I wake you in the morning?'

'Yes. Around sevenish, if you wouldn't mind. I'd like to get an early start.'

His old friend groaned, 'And here I was looking forward to sleeping in until ten. Oh well, I shall manage, I suppose. Lily, care to join me?'

'Mmm, I think I shall,' she said with a smile, allowing her husband to pull her from the sofa, leaving Remus alone upon it. She turned a questioning look upon him, and he waved off her concern with a careless gesture.

'I'll be fine. You two get some rest. I have some thinking to do.'

'Extinguish the fire before you sleep?'

'But of course, Lils,' he assured her, and watched as they walked arm and arm into the bedroom. How they managed to do that after all these years together still managed to astonish him. However, they did almost seem to schedule their fights to keep everything out in the open, as the situation with the Wizarding war had left them all on edge and too able to reach the wrong conclusion.

So they tried to stay as far away from that sort of situation again as much as possible.

It was several hours before Remus extinguished the fire. The hours had been well spent, contemplating the ring upon his finger, the ring that had he still been cursed with the lycantrophy, he would have been unable to wear. In addition to that, there were the contemplations of what he was about to try to do, and whether he could live with the knowledge that it was beyond his control.

When he was satisfied, he extinguished the fire and retired to bed. Once he slipped off into dream, Remus found himself plagued by dreams that were both pleasing and disturbing, and when he woke in the middle of the night, he knew he had made the right decision.

Then he drifted off to sleep once more; tomorrow was going to be a long day.

**~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~*

~End Part 3~


	4. Ring-Bound Fever Dreams

[Disclaimers and other header information in part 1]

Part IV: Ring-Bound Fever Dreams

Despite the fact that he had gone back to sleep with the intention of being better rested for when he had go to Hogwarts later that day, his dreams would allow him no peace, and instead, transported him to another place. At first, it was dark, and held within it the scent of an ever-present dampness from water slipping in from... somewhere. He couldn't tell where, and he couldn't see any exit paths from the room, either. There was the faint sound of rats scuttling along the floor, and his skin crawled. Wherever his dreams had taken him this night, it was not a nice place.

It could have been, he knew all of a sudden, but it wasn't.

Then his surroundings shifted somehow in a blur of colour, and there was a corridor, equally as dark, as damp, but with a dim light that he wanted to close his eyes against, but didn't. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw a woman standing there. He turned to face her fully and saw quite clearly that she wasn't a woman, not quite. Her hair was black and held in a long plait, revealing the tips of her ears as being pointed. It brought back to mind with the briefest twinge of pain the memory of Sirius accusing him of having some fae blood in him, for all that he looked it.

James had declared his long-time friend daft then and there. After all, Sirius had never seen one of the fae before in his life. He, in turn, had shaken his head and continued staring at Remus, almost appearing to study him. 'You just know,' he said then. 'You just know when someone of the fae is among you. You can see it in them.'

This was long before he had revealed the secret of his lycanthrophy to Sirius and the others, and definitely long before they had fallen in love with one another.

However, looking at the woman-that-wasn't for a long moment, Remus felt he understood exactly what his friend had meant then. It wasn't just the ears that did it, it was her entire appearance; she had a sort of fluidity that he would be hard-pressed to describe, and her skin was almost pale, yet not. Words seemed to defy his attempt to gather them into a description for later.

This felt important, and something that would be used for evidence at some later time. He wasn't sure what it was but he didn't question it. Unscoring his decision to keep this entire encounter in mind due to its importance was the feel of the silver ring burning against his finger.

She told him something then, in a fluid tongue that he didn't quite understand. He tilted his head at her in curiosity, and she shook her head, as though she had forgotten that he and she didn't speak the same language. Instead, she made a gesture indicating that he should follow her. Without argument, he did so.

After a moment, however, he didn't need a guide. He would know that scent anywhere, and even though the wolf was gone from him, some of the characteristics of having spent so long as a werewolf were not so easily exorcised. The growl that rode under his calm demeanor at the moment was among them, as well as the heightened sense of smell. There were probably other, smaller things, but they didn't seem to make any difference in the here and now.

None of it made any difference at all once he caught onto the scent, and the woman seemed to notice that, and fell behind. She looked nervous, as though she wasn't supposed to be there, and looked around nervously. There was a murmur in his ear, in that different, fluid language, although right then, he did seem to understand what she was saying, as though she was extending her own magic to make certain he could understand her words.

'Be cautious. Although you are here but in dreamtime, there are others who can see you than I. If need calls upon it, my name is Titiane.'

Then she kissed him and was gone. Remus blinked dazedly in the dim light. Shaking all confusion from his mind, he continued down the corridor to a room. He looked at the door in horror, as the wood was rotting away. His thought from earlier returned to him, that things hadn't needed to be like this, but they were because of choices made.

Or, perhaps, just the nature of a single rebellious individual.

**Sirius,** he whispered within his own mind, knowing that his lover would not be able to hear him. He had wanted to know what had happened to him, that was the purpose behind the trip to Hogwarts later that day. He closed his eyes and pushed at the door, entirely unsurprised when the door cracked and gave way beneath the weight he was pressing against it.

As he pushed it open, he realised that he wasn't sure how prepared he was to know the truth. He was right.

Remus found himself wading into a pool of stagnant water. All of his senses rose in protest against it, and his fists clenched in complete and total rage against the entire situation. Neither of them should have to be doing this. Not in the slightest. His stomach roiled as the stench hit his nose, and he growled.

'Who is it? Who's there? What are you going to do this time?' an almost nonchalant tone floated through the air. 'Whoever it is, would you please tell Athaine that I still will not sleep with her?'

Remus had known his lover inside and out, had known the hundred and one quirks, some of which had driven him close to mad during their years together, and some of which he looked upon fondly. He recognised this; this was a forced nonchalance, used most often in missions or other times when he thought he was in danger. In effect, he was telling the enemy that they bored him, and to release him before he fell asleep where he was.

It was also a lie. A facade of the highest order.

Sirius only used it when he was afraid and was on the verge of letting go of his bravado. Remus' lips twitched to say something, anything, but instead he waited for the next statement. Sirius, after all, had never stopped at one when a hundred could do the job equally as well. He didn't have all that long to wait before it came, in a voice even more bored than it had been before.

'Just because you think you've given me the hard-on to end all hard-ons means nothing Athaine. I'm still not going to screw any girl that comes by just so you can have the control over the human wizards that you wish to have.'

Remus blinked and nearly fell over backwards into the water in combined amusement and shock. Instead, he managed to shake his head and found a ledge that, while covered with some sort of slime, was still better than the water he had been in prior. His lip curled in a snarl of disgust and anger that Sirius had been forced to endure such circumstances.

He was even more angered when he located a space with just enough light to see the form dangling from the middle of the room. There had been a display he'd seen once of Muggle art about their Lord's resurrection, or something of the like. The display in front of him was muchly like that; Sirius was hanging from the middle of the room by some unseen bonds. His back was arched in such a way that Remus' own twinged in sympathy.

'Who's there? I mean it. It's bad enough you have me strung up like this, but to taunt me while I make an idiot of myself, why that's quite enough, I think.'

Remus mouthed his lover's name, and let out the whisper of a sigh.

'If I had known... Merlin, what on earth was I thinking?'

'That's a good question, love,' he said on the softest whisper. 'What **were** you thinking?'

He had thought it too soft to hear, but apparently so much time alone had sharpened Sirius' hearing to a fine degree. It now appeared to be even sharper than it had been before. He tensed, then, and looked around as much as he could with his limited mobility. 'Oh, you wouldn't be that cruel to me, would you? Would you? Because to think that my forever lost lover is lurking here would be just too cruel.'

Remus froze at the sound.

Then there was the softest of whispers. 'Remus, wherever you are -- for I doubt that you are here -- never doubt that I do miss you, and I do still love you. It's just... harder to get back than I thought it'd be. And I am the grandest of daft fools, for not only am I imagining your presence, but now I have started talking to m'self.'

Remus started to say something in response to somehow reassure him, to convince him that he wasn't just a fever dream brought on by too much time alone. Before he had the chance, however, there was another twisting of time and space. It was a blurring much like there had been at the beginning of the dream, and the next thing that happened was that he jolted awake, feeling nauseated and greatly distrurbed. The rank smell of the water clung to his nostrils, and he stumbled off to the washroom to be violently ill.

The first thing that caught his attention as he recovered was the searing pain in his left ring finger. He looked upon it. The ring. The ring was some sort of key, and was somehow connected to getting Sirius back. He frowned at it, and gave it a closer inspection. He really needed to let James look at it, or Lily, just to see whether there was any dark magic tied up in this thing. Right now, though, it was easier to just slip it off.

After all, it wouldn't do much good if it burned his finger off, now would it?

'Moony?'

James' voice. For a long moment, that's all Remus was able to recognise. With a groan, he pulled himself up off the floor and rose to face him. If any anger or resentment from the previous evening remained, it didn't show in his face. There was nothing but concern evident in his face now. Remus leaned against the wall and rubbed at his forehead to clear it both of the headache he had been plagued with once returning from the dream -- or whatever that had been -- as well as the images that still remained in his mind.

'Remus, are you all right?'

'Not particularly, no, but things are improving. I think.'

'What happened?'

'I had a rather vivid dream. Rather disturbing, as well, and more disturbing for the fact that I suspect it's true.'

'Would you care to join me for a cup of tea,' James said then in a sleep- dazed voice. 'Because I'm not sure you're making any sense. Or if you are, I'm certainly not understanding you. So either I'll wake up in the process of our conversation, or you'll start making sense.'

'There's no guarantees of either,' he said on a smile.

'That is true. Eh, I'll take my chances. Come on, mate.'

Remus nodded mutely, and followed his friend out of the washroom and directly into the kitchen, where James summoned the basics for the tea, and started making it. It didn't take long, being done the wizarding way, as it was. Remus sat down, and yawned. It felt as though he hadn't gotten any sleep at all, and given the dreams that he'd been having as of late, it was entirely possible he wasn't. Perhaps it was more accurate to say that he had been on a search for something lost, and he had only recently discovered the means of finding it.

Him. Finding **him**.

In watching James, he recalled how close he and Sirius had been. Sirius had the ability to have two best friends all at the same time, and have neither feel neglected for it. While he and Sirius had always had a relationship marked by an intensity, his relationship with James was much more easy-going. They were like brothers, the two of them. At times, that equalled brawls, and them both ending up tumbling across the floor of the Common Room, the local pubs, or any other place where everything happened to explode.

They had both loved him, and still did, in their individual ways. Yet, while he understood why James didn't really want him to do this, he also knew that he couldn't continue suspecting there was a way of bringing him back and not do anything about it. After all, according to the dream, he had been in the world, somewhere, but out of it at the same time.

The memory tugged at his mind, and he growled under his breath; he would have to get in touch with Dair and Hope. He knew that they had a few elven allies, and it might come in handy to find out where he was, or how to get to him. Just as James turned to look at him over one shoulder with a curious expression, and his hair sticking up in eighteen thousand different directions, Remus swore to owl her and pushed it aside. He also pushed aside the temptation to laugh at James' hair.

Even after all these years, it was something he could never quite manage to get accustomed to.

At that point, James shattered his train of thought into a thousand pieces by setting the cup of tea in front of him. He added a lump of sugar and some creme to it, just enough to sweeten it, before taking a sip. His head finally started to clear then, and process some of the information he had g ained through the dream. Then he remembered his cousin reciting to him various theories on Divination where dreams were the easiest access there was to the portion of magic was via dreams.

Perhaps he was tapping that with some help. He looked back down at the ring again, feeling it cool upon his finger again. He slid it off, and frowned in surprise at the sight of blisters and bruises marking where the ring had been.

'Bugger... Moony, what in the name of Merlin did **that**?'

'My ring,' he said in a daze. 'I think.'

'What do you know about this ring and what it does?' James asked him, holding it up to the light. 'It doesn't feel like anything that could create any sort of effect like that. It's like ice now.'

'I know. I'm just wondering if it wasn't some sort of magical artefact that Pads cooked up before he disappeared. As if he was trying to get me to find a way to get him back, and the best way he could think of doing it was enchanting this ring to give some sort of access to him. Sweet Merlin, James, I know you're angry with me for doing this now, after twelve years of accepting his fate, but with this, and the knowledge I have right now, I'm not sure I could be content with letting things go. And if there's any chance of getting him back--'

'Remus, I know. But remember kindly that I love him too.'

'Not like you love Lils, certainly.'

'Of course not. Prat,' he muttered under his breath. 'It's not like that, but he's like my brother. He always has been.'

'Irish temper and all.'

'Well, you loved him in spite of all his quirks, did you not?'

'Indeed I did,' he smiled. 'And still do. In some cases, I think it's more the case of "because of" those quirks, rather than in spite of.'

'There you go, then,' James replied, and took a sip of his tea.

Remus grimaced, 'Aren't you going to--?'

'Don't need it. I'm man enough to take my tea straight.'

'While I on the other hand don't take anything straight that I don't have to,' Remus replied in a dry tone he had borrowed from his lover many years ago.

The bark of laughter at his comment seemed to catch even James by surprise. He let out a soft snort, then continued on a low tone, 'Listen, Moony, I thought about it for a long time after Lily and I retired last night, and, well, if it was Lily instead of Sirius, I can't say I'd be doing anything differently. Particularly if I was just finding out about it now, after she had been missing for twelve years. However, that doesn't mean I have to like the fact that this is my best friend here, and I have to sit back and let you do all the work.'

'It's not really work, not right now it isn't, anyway,' Remus protested. 'For the moment, it's just research. Unlike you and Sirius, I was never the Marauder to go leaping in without looking to see where I was going to fall. If I was going to fall.'

'And you were the one that kept us from falling more often, as I recall,' James said, smirking slightly.

'James, do you trust me to go in and get out another Marauder who's in trouble?'

'I don't know why you're asking me,' James said, chuckling softly. 'Everyone knows you ruled the Marauders. I was just the convenient one to point to because you were the member of our group that was busy hiding in the shadows so no one would notice that mischievous streak you have.'

Remus paused for a moment, then continued archly, 'Prongs, I would like to protest being so injustly accused.'

'Protest noted, and promptly ignored,' James quipped.

He snorted in response, and fell into silence as they continued drinking their tea. However, the longer they sat there, the more the dream continued to haunt him. He felt the urge to talk it through, since after all, that, along with the research that he had mentioned to James earlier, were his ways of sorting through a problem. And this, blasting its way into the life they had created around the Sirius-shaped hole left in all of their lives, was definitely what he considered to be a problem.

Remus shook his head against the temptation. James didn't need to know this. It would drive him mad with the inability to do anything if he knew.

When they started talk again, it was about the plans for the day, and how to go about it. Remus was itching to get his hands on the tomes in Hogwarts' library that might help with this. He sighed down at the blisters and sores on the finger where the ring had rested. He reached for his wand at about the same time the glare of the sun rising lent the room a dim light. He did a healing spell on the sores and reached for the ring again.

'Moony, you're not...'

'I am, because I'm going to find McGonagall and a few of the others to see if there's any Dark Magic on this ring at all. So I'll know for certain. I'm not as strong in those spells as I'd like, and I don't trust the results if I was to do it myself. Besides,' he continued as he slid the ring back into place, 'I get the feeling that it's important. For more than just because of a few ring-bound fever dreams.'

'What was that?' James looked at him as though he was mad.

Remus shook his head. At the moment, he wouldn't have argued if James had actually said it. The longer he was in contact with the ring, the longer he wondered if he was, in fact, going mad. That was one of the reasons he was going to have a few members of the Hogwarts staff look at it. After all, McGonagall had once admitted that the staff didn't have much to do between when they arrived back at school and when the students returned.

Somehow, Remus suspected she in particular would be glad for something to do. Minerva McGonagall had always given him the impression, despite her prim and proper demeanor, as a woman who could be immensely dangerous when bored. At this point in the year, she was certain to be bored, if what she said was correct in the slightest.

At least, that's what McGonagall had told him once.

'Come on, mate. Some of us have to make ourselves look a semblance of decent--' he shot a glance at James' hair, indicating where his statement was truly directed.

James laughed, and headed out of the room without another word. Remus grinned and followed his friend out.

If they could manage to keep their sense of humour through all this, perhaps not all hope would be lost, after all, as he had thought years ago. The exact number of years between when he had first thought that and now flitted through his mind.

A soft sigh escaped his lips. Years ago, indeed.

Twelve of them, in fact.

**~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~*

~End Part 4~


	5. Meetings and Research

[Disclaimers and other header information in part 1]

Part V: Meetings and Research

When Remus and James finally managed to get out of the house later that day, they Apparated to Hogsmeade. Remus hadn't been in ages, and was greatly surprised by how little everything had changed. James had been more recently, and hence was not nearly as surprised. Yet, he stood by quietly and waited for Remus to stop staring at it all.

'If you're quite finished, mate...'

'I just would have thought that it would have changed more...'

'I suspect that things don't change here. According to everything that I've read, it's been nearly the same during all the time it's been here. I suspect the school protects it, but it's never really said for certain why things don't change.'

Remus nodded.

'Anyway, we have an appointment to make, and I don't think it would be considered proper for us to slip in through the basement of Honeydukes.'

'No,' he confirmed with the smallest of smiles. 'The Headmaster assured me there would be someone waiting for us at the gates to let us in. I think he said that it would be McGonagall.'

James grimaced and gave Remus a wary look, 'You're certain about this?'

'Absolutely. James, if I could just let it go, then I wouldn't be who I am. Knowing, or at least suspecting, that there's something I can do and not doing a bleedin' thing? Does that sound like me to you?'

'No... I'm just worried...'

'About taking over the teaching position,' Remus grinned, 'or about me being disappointed again.'

'Either. Both.'

'Prongs... I may be disappointed, but that's the risk of living. That's the risk of taking a chance. I could be disappointed, yes, but I'd be more disappointed in myself if I didn't try this. Besides, there is the issue with the ring that I want to get checked out as well while we're here. While we both may be excellent at some aspects of magic, there is no shame in admitting that we do not excell as much at this as we would like to.'

'I just...'

'Prongs, I **know** , but you can't save me from myself. Not if I don't want to be saved,' Remus grinned again. 'Come on, let's go.'

With a nod, the two of them made their way through the town. Many of the people milling about remembered them from their Hogwarts years, and actually they stopped and had a long conversation with Madame Rosmerta, who made them both promise that when they had finished their business up at the castle, that they would stop in at the Three Broomsticks and have something to drink. After they agreed, she let them go on their way.

After they had made their way out of the crowd of people, Remus and James fell into silence as they made their way up the path that led straight to the gates of Hogwarts. Remus looked up at the school, and still managed to feel the same awe he did when first he had seen it some seventeen or more years ago. That they would let a werewolf within those walls was still something of an amazement to him.

Even if he was a werewolf no longer, thanks to Sirius's sacrifice. A sacrifice that if Remus got ahold of his lifemate, he would inform him of just exactly how foolish he thought it had been. Especially given the fact that he had not asked him before he had done anything. Not a word had been spoken, but rather, in true Sirius form, he had gone and done what he thought was best without another thought.

As the gates swung open, seemingly of their own will, Remus was able to shake away his current train of thought as he sped his steps to meet Minerva McGonagall. James did the same, as they both remembered how much the woman hated waiting. When they met her, she did not hug either one of them, but only gave them verbal greeting and a nod of her head. As always, though, Remus got the feeling that she would have embraced them both if her own will would have allowed it.

With nary a word more, she turned and led them to the castle.

The two wizards looked at one another and followed her as she led the way inside. While during their tenure at Hogwarts they had spent a great amount of time in the Headmaster's office, it had been a long time, and Remus was glad for the guidance, anyway, even if James just looked as though he would rather be anywhere other than where he was.

'You don't have to do this, James.'

'If the other option is letting Lockhart teach this class, then yes I do,' he straightened his shoulders and preceded Remus down the hallway. With the smallest of smiles, Remus fell behind. By the time that he and James actually caught up with McGonagall, she was holding open the entrance to Dumbledore's office, and looking distinctly unamused.

Feeling much like he had when they were in school and in trouble, they headed through the portrait hole and waited for it to close behind them. After it did, they headed down the corridor that waited for them, and faced Albus Dumbledore, who was sitting behind his desk, taking care of business relating to the school. It had been a great number of years since either of them had seen the old man that ran things at the school.

Somehow, Remus found it reassuring that on the surface, nothing had changed.

After they had stood there for a moment, the discomfort growing by the moment, the elder wizard looked up at them, adjusted his glasses, and gestured for them to sit.

'I'm assuming you've come about the offer I made you, Mr. Lupin?'

'Yes, Headmaster,' Remus said, looking down for a long moment before raising his eyes. 'I'm afraid I cannot accept the offer you've made, as much as I'd like to.'

'Is that so?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Would be why you are present in my office, Mr. Potter?'

James looked at Remus for a long moment, before shoving his glasses back up his nose. 'Yes, sir, as a matter of fact, I had. I had heard a rumour that if Remus was not available to take the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, that you would be forced to rehire Lockhart, and after the reports I received from my son at the end of the last year, I couldn't allow that to happen.'

'And you were so certain, Mr. Potter, that I would hire you in his stead?'

'Actually, Headmaster, I was not. I was conspired against by my wife and my close friend here. They thought perhaps you might find me a suitable substitute.'

'I see.' There was the faintest of smiles behind that mustache and beard.

'And,' James continued, 'I'm hoping that you will help Remus to understand that he's planning to do something utterly daft.'

Remus glared at his friend, and only got another glare in return.

'And that would be?'

Remus brought himself back to the subject at hand, promising himself that he would get his revenge upon James for that comment later. 'That would be the other reason I have come. I am asking your help for a bit of research that I was planning on doing. I don't think the libraries outside of Hogwarts have quite the resources I would like for what I had in mind, and I was going to ask if I couldn't make use of the library here.'

Dumbledore looked at him for a long moment, and Remus met the wizard's gaze firmly, trying not to squirm under the intensity of it. Finally, he spoke, 'So you are going after young Mr. Black, then?'

For a long moment, Remus could have sworn that he could -- as Lily had put it -- you could hear a pin drop in the office. James had to apparently remind himself to pick his jaw up off the floor, and Remus had to take a moment himself to regain his composure. He hadn't thought that the task he had ahead of him had been quite that obvious. Apparently, he had been wrong.

'How did you know?'

'May I see your ring, Mr. Lupin?'

Without thinking much about it, Remus slipped the claddagh off, and passed it to Dumbledore, who took it in hand and looked at it. 'I'm not entirely certain what that has to do with the question, sir, but we were going to bring the ring in have it checked out anyway.'

'It did injure Remus this morning,' James put in with a frown.

'I am not surprised to hear that it caused an injury. Not too severe, was it?'

Remus shook his head.

'The moment you walked in with this ring on your finger, I knew what your task would be,' Dumbledore commented before passing the ring back to Remus, who took it and slid it back upon his finger once again. 'The Hogwarts library is at your disposal, Remus, if you need it. But I suspect you knew that before you came into the school today. The ring should be safe for you to wear.'

'But what is it, sir?'

'That is something I think you will have to discover for yourself.'

'And about the position of DADA professor?' James asked.

'That is something I will have to take under consideration, Mr. Potter. I will owl you when I have reached my decision.'

The tone he had taken with James signified an end to the meeting, and the two wizards rose from their chairs and, after bidding Dumbledore a good day, headed back out of the office. Once they were back in the main portion of the school, where the classes were held, James turned to Remus, 'What do you think that all meant?'

'I think,' Remus said musingly, 'that Dumbledore knows more about what is going on with this ring than he is letting on. As well as with Sirius.'

'Great,' James let out a sigh of exasperation. 'So we're going to have to figure this out ourselves, then?'

'Ourselves?' Remus arched his eyebrows at his old friend. 'I was under the assumption that I would be going through the research myself.'

'I'm not letting you do this alone, Remus. Do you really expect me to leave my best mate just hanging there? You don't, do you?'

'James...'

'Well? It's not like I have anything better to spend my time doing until Dumbledore reaches his decision, and since we're here...'

James grinned, then, and somehow managed to look as though he was fifteen all over again. Then he took off running, and Remus followed, feeling all the while as though they had been transported back in time. The illusion was furthered by the fact that, when James reached the first staircase, he didn't race down the stairs, but rather mounted the bannister, and slid down. Remus raced down the stairs the conventional way, and was only a step or two from the bottom when his friend toppled off the bannister, and stumbled to regain his balance. When he turned to face him, James was grinning madly, and his eyes were glinting mischievously.

'Merlin, but I've missed that.'

Remus just shook his head and laughed at his friend, 'Lils would kill you if she knew.'

'You mean,' James grinned even wider, which wasn't something Remus had thought possible, 'she'd kill me if she knew that I did it without her here to join in.'

'There is that.'

'So, Remus, where do we go from here?'

'The library, I think,' he replied. 'I think we need to get started on this research, before things get much worse than they already are.'

'How can they get worse?'

'They just can,' Remus said, sharper than he would have liked. 'James, I'm just going to have to ask you to trust me on this. If we get Sirius back and he wants to explain to you, that's one thing, but this is something I'm going to have to ask you to trust me on.'

James' eyes narrowed. 'You've seen him.'

'And was able to do **nothing** ,' Remus snapped at him. 'What would it serve for you to know that you could do about as much as I was able to, or less?'

James paused for a moment, and Remus watched several emotions flicker across his face before he exhaled sharply and told him, 'All right, Remus. I will trust you, and I already do, since you've never given me any reason to do otherwise.'

'Thank you, Prongs. Now, shall we?'

James nodded, and led the way through the corridors to the library. Remus walked beside him in silence, and before he knew it, they were in front of those doors that they had entered so many times in the past. With nothing more than a smile, Remus pushed his way through them, and entered the premises. He then closed his eyes and inhaled the scent that clung to libraries everywhere. He loved them, and this was only part of the reason why; the scent of books that held knowledge only waiting to be exposed.

Then he heard James again, 'I still say you should have been a Ravenclaw.'

'Perhaps I should have, but the Sorting Hat obviously felt otherwise. Then I never would have had the opportunity to get to know you, mate, or the other Marauders, and that would have been a tragedy.'

'True enough. So where should we start?'

'We could ask Madam Pince.'

James grimaced, 'She hates me, Moony. You know that.'

'She may hate **you** , Prongs,' Remus grinned.

'Oh, right. You always were able to nearly charm her out of her knickers. Care to try it again? Maybe you'll have more luck now that you're older.'

Remus shook his head and just made his way through the library, passing students, professors, and a few other random people on his way to the back. He could only assume that James was somewhere behind him as he made his way through the books. Most of them he picked out on a whim, an intuition for their contents rather than looking at the actual title. Part of one caught his eye, and he gave a wry smile at the sight of the words 'magical artifact' in it.

With a shrug, he carried the stack back to one of the tables where James was already sitting, waiting on him. He saw his friend's eyes widen when he saw the stack of books, 'Bloody hell, Remus...'

'Don't say it...' Remus shot his friend a glare over the stack of books.

James grinned and speared a hand through his hair, 'It just brings back memories, that's all.'

Remus snorted faintly before going back to his research. As he went through the books, he noted James waving his wand to send them back so they wouldn't clutter the tables. There were a couple of books that he had to be careful to keep out of James's reach, else he'd send them off to the shelves, and he still needed them.

'You know, this feels almost decadent. Never could do this when we were in school.'

'Making up for lost time, then?'

'Definitely.'

Remus looked up then, grinning madly due to the passage that he had just read. Out of the sheer Potter curiosity, James leaned across the table to see the book. 'What is it?'

'I think I've found something.'

'Obviously that git wore off on you anyway, if you've stating the obvious. What is it?'

'Magical artifacts can be a means of communication.'

'So?'

'This, my friend, is a magical artifact,' Remus grinned. 'And I intend to see if this passage about communicating is utter bollocks, or whether there's something to it.'

'What do you think, Remus? Is it?'

'Utter bollocks?' Remus asked, then sighed. 'I don't know yet. We shall see.'

**~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~*

~end of part 5~


	6. Breaking the Chains

[Disclaimers and other header information in part 1]

Part VI: Breaking the Chains

If someone had informed Sirius Black that he would spend eternity hanging halfway between the floor and the ceiling of an entirely uninspiring and damp dungeon by bonds that he couldn't see, and perpetually horny in a bad way, he would have told the Powers that Be to bugger off. Every time he tried to even shift, it felt as though the bonds were trying to yank his arms out of the sockets.

It didn't stop him from trying, however.

After a few stabs of sharp pain that served only to distract him from the dull ache, he gave up and sighed. He never had played the martyr particularly well, and especially when there wasn't someone to feel sorry for him and pull him out of whatever he had gotten himself into. Since he had not consulted with James, Lily, or Remus before he had decided to invoke that piece of olde magic that would allow him to make a request of the Powers that controlled the flow of magic that was available to humankind, he could not expect them to bail him out of the mess he had found himself in.

There was always a price, the text had warned him. He thought he could handle any price that was thrown at him, so he had mostly disregarded what it had said. Until he had actually gone ahead and went through with it. He discovered that by performing the magic, his life was forfeit, and property of the Powers, and although he wasn't pleased to hear of this, he decided to make the best of it. He had asked for many things; a reversal of Remus' lycanthrophy that had made his life hell from age 5 onward, the information to get Peter thrown in Azkaban, James and Lily alive to raise their son, Voldemort gone and the Death Eaters unable to form again and try their fight against the Light again.

And one other thing: one last night to enjoy being human, alive, and Sirius Black. He knew how he wanted to spend it. Time with James and Lily, and even more time with Remus. All of them drinking and laughing and being totally themselves for the first time in ages. Out from under the fear that at any moment their lives would be taken from them. One last night to drink up the feel of every touch between he and his one true love. To take in enough of the love and the pleasure and the everything that existed between he and Remus Lupin to last him through this eternity.

Then, no matter how hard it was, he would walk away. He would let the Powers do what they pleased with him.

The worst part was being unable to tell anyone what was going to happen. Verbally, at least. He had left a letter with Remus that probably sounded cryptic and confusing, but he hoped it was enough. He hoped that his love understood what had happened to him, and why he had left. Why he had left all of them to their lives without him. He knew that few would even remember him, but those that he had touched, those that he had made a lasting impact upon would remember. All the others would slowly forget about him until there was no memory of him ever existing.

In the end, it had been nearly impossible to leave. He stood there in the doorway, and looked upon Remus for a long time. They had talked about what he was going to do -- that being going to the Ministry and registering as an Animagus instead of going around illegal. That was something he had thought about doing time and again. He had talked about it with James, but James had shaken his head; he wanted time to bask in the illegality of it a while longer. He had smiled to see the look on his friend's face; the impish mischievous expression it seemed that he had known forever. He thought Moony probably suspected that he wasn't going to the Ministry, but he had no idea of what Sirius' true plans were.

He remembered drinking in the sight of the early morning light upon Remus' silver-streaked honey brown hair, and wanting to run his fingers through it one last time. Yet, he knew if he stayed much longer, he would never be able to leave his lover's side, and the Powers would come after him and force him into keeping his word. That was something he was proud of; Sirius Black was definitely a man of his word. He had been such as a child, and as an adult, it was even more important to him.

So he had turned and walked out the door, and out of the world he had known and loved for as long as he had been alive. He didn't look back, although he was quite tempted to do so. He wanted to ask one thing again -- that his Remus be there with him, for that would make it tolerable. However, Sirius suspected what the answer might be. It was to be a price he had to pay, and that was the most important thing they could take from him.

His love.

Only he didn't know they could exact a higher price from him still, which is what had left him in the situation he was in now. Sirius tilted his head to look at what appeared to be a stone ceiling, although he expected that it was nothing of the sort. The higher price he had to pay was twofold; his honour to be faithful to the one he loved, and his pride.

He had only discovered this when they had handed him over to Athaine.

Sirius didn't know what Athaine was, but only knew there was no way she was anywhere close to being human. She was cruel in her tastes, and thrived off of fear, and frustration, and rage. He also discovered fairly early on, that she was a cruel tasksmistress, and in addition to that, did require the pets the Powers sent to her to be properly trained, broken, and docile to her every desire. She liked it even better when she could break them herself.

However, Sirius Black was none of these things, and he was not easily broken, if it was even possible. Part of the things that had made him a powerful wizard included his sheer imagination with things, and his ability to find a loophole in any situation and writhe his way into it. Even if it was to tuck away that rebel spirit in a place where she could not touch it, and smirking gleefully when she moved on unaware.

He recalled that when he was first sent to her, she had smiled at one of the suggestions of her assistants in supreme evil, stripped him naked first thing. Then she had sent her assistant to examine his body, to see if he was up to the purpose she had for him. The sensation of her hands upon him would have been almost pleasant if the situation hadn't been as it was.

Then she had stopped, and faced Athaine, 'It appears the Powers have sent us a healthy one to play with this time, milady. He appears to be up for what you have in mind,' she said, then cut her eyes to study him before continuing. 'Well, he's not at the moment, but he will be.'

Sirius had arched his eyebrows at her, and the only response he had gotten was a slow, and -- should he say it? -- evil smile.

Then she had stepped aside, and Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and waited to hear what she had in store for him. It didn't take him long to discover that she wanted to make him into what sounded like a modern-day Tam Lin. He had scowled at the sound of it, but otherwise said nothing. It wouldn't take her long to find out that this plan of hers wouldn't work, and indeed, it had probably been a joke on them that the Powers had been playing, with himself as the living punchline.

At least not if she wished to attract maidens to her lair.

He hadn't told her so at the time, but there had been no response at all to the attentions of those of the female gender in years. It had been before Remus had changed his life, and he wasn't even entirely certain that another man could get a reaction out of him. It just didn't seem like the wisest thing to do to inform her of this, especially if he was going to keep the promises he had made in order to garner all the things he had.

She had discovered the truth despite his attempts to hide the truth. It had been an impossible thing to tell how much time had passed before she had found out. It could have been a few hours, although he doubted it. At the very least, it was a day, and at the most, it could have been a hundred years, but regardless of the time span, she had found out, and had pulled him back underground, back away from the feel of the sunlight on his face, adding another thing to the list of what he was missing.

When he faced her, it was without apologies, for he had never been one to apologise when there was nothing he'd done to call for it. It wasn't his fault that he just wasn't what she needed, and if he was glad of the fact, then well, that was truly something he'd never regret. She didn't say anything when she saw him, and only gazed upon him for a long moment before allowing a smile to spread across her face.

It was not a smile that made her visage any more pleasant to look upon, Sirius noted as she pulled one of her minions toward her and whispered something to her. The chit nodded and disappeared before Athaine turned back to him to declare his fate.

'I see you will not perform for me.'

'I was never much of an actor,' he shrugged.

'I could spell you to perform. You might well be more docile if I did,' she mused, 'but I think I shall let you reach the decision to serve me on your own. I will help you, if you so require it.'

'You know, Athaine, you can take this offer of yours and shove it up your ever- so-dignified arse.'

She looked taken aback, and it was then that Sirius realised that Athaine was a woman not used to being told no. She called out something sharply in that liquid language that she used among her own people, and they had him by the arms, and were dragging him away. Yet, even as they did so, he heard her in his head, telling him that time would tell whether he would change his mind, once he realised what she had in store for him.

He had discovered her punishment, and proved her wrong. She had no idea how stubborn he could be, and he was convinced that there wasn't anything she could do to change his mind, nor was there anything that could truly break him. She had come in several times to tempt him, and to make certain that her spells holding him there actually held.

Of course, Sirius had this dangerous inability to keep his mouth shut when it was most required, and so oftentimes when she made her offer, he would make things worse on himself. The first time, she had added the stagnant water that her feet never seemed to touch, and then out of spite, the second she added a spell that would leave him hard and aching and totally unable to do anything about it.

She smirked at him and switched out of her fluid language for his benefit, 'You know, if you can ever get that thing under your own control again, you might have some hope of getting out of here. But until then, you remain under my control. I might well send you out like that, and see how well you fare with the maidens this time.'

He glared at her as she gracefully managed her way out of the room where she kept him. If it could be called that. Then he put his mind to trying to do something to change the situation. Nothing was working, and time passed agonisingly slow while he was trying to do something about it. Then, there was a sound, the sound of the door cracking inwards. He tensed against another onslaught, and then another scent struck his nostrils and he nearly let out a moan.

Remus. It was Remus. He had to be imagining things.

Then he heard his voice, that voice that he had barely even allowed himself to think of over the past... how many years had it been? Something in him gave way and he started babbling incoherently, as he was certain that it was another form of torture that Athaine had decided to try out on him. He babbled and he ranted and finally he sensed the presence gone, like it had never been there to begin with.

Any other man would have thrown a tantrum, wept, fought harder to get loose, but Sirius just sighed and bowed his head. Time passed slower there, and he was prepared for Athaine to make another attempt on him, and although he knew he had to be stronger to face her, he was wallowing in his moment of weakness.

Perhaps it was because of this moment of weakness that he even allowed himself to feel what struck him only days later. There was the sound of that voice, oh so familiar.

'Sirius, I know you're there. I know you're out there, and I know you're still alive, despite what you would have everyone else believe.'

Remus? He couldn't believe it, he wouldn't believe it.

The scent was in the air again, that scent so strong that he could almost taste it. Slowly, the feel of the invisible chains shifted into something more organic, more real. There was the feel of Remus' hands around his wrists, holding him there, accompanied by the musky scent of his aroused lover surrounding him. Then there was the feel of teeth taking hold of the nape of his neck.

With that, he let himself go, deeper into the fantasy, deeper into the dream, and felt Remus holding him there, pinning him with his own body as he delivered teasing bites that alternated with whispered suggestions of what he'd like to do to him, with him caught in such a prone position. His hair slipped further down his back, almost to his arse, as he tilted his head back, his mouth open in a silent moan.

The magical bonds loosened slightly, as he fell further into the realism of the dream brought into his consciousness. The dull ache of unresolved arousal that he had lived with for hours, days, years sharpened into a more pleasurable ache. He didn't stop to think that it shouldn't be possible. He didn't stop to think at all, but only followed where his mind was taking him.

It was definitely an improvement upon where it had been.

Then the sensation was gone, all of the sensation was gone, and he was falling free of the bonds that had held him. As he landed on his knees in the stagnant water, Sirius wrinkled his nose, and would have taken the dulled senses that he had trained himself into having.

There was the lingering sense of Remus Lupin hovering around and he sighed at it. He could almost hear the tone of 'Get home, Pads, and we'll talk about this. Don't think I don't remember how you got yourself in this mess,' then the tone softened. 'Don't think I don't still love you.'

Afterwards, Remus was gone, and it was just him, kneeling in some of the most disgusting muck that he'd had the opportunity to witness in quite some time. He did not linger, but leapt to the mostly dry area close to the wall and made his way to the door.

Once he was out in the corridor, he saw an elfin woman standing there. Her eyes glinted green, and her hair was dark, and he remembered her. She was the one who tested the health of his body for Athaine, and he deemed him healthy. Yet, she stood there in complete comfort as he got out of the room. He glared at her warily, and wished for his wand, which had been left behind the morning he had walked out of his own life.

'You...'

'Me,' she smiled. 'I know I did my part in imprisoning you, Sirius, and that is something I don't regret. It was something that had to be done.'

He growled and nearly lunged for her.

'Wait, and hear me out. I am not traditionally a member of Athaine's court, but she doesn't know that. She also doesn't know how far out of control she is, nor does she know that there are those such as myself who were put in place to stop her. There is only so much interaction with your world that we will even willingly participate in, and she has crossed the line.'

'I don't know why I should be listening, and won't she be coming after me soon?'

'No,' then there was a smile. 'I am your only guard, and I am to keep you within your prison, supposedly. However, I am going to set you free, since it was not my intention to hold you even this long. You're an intelligent one of your kind, I hear and could have found a way around those spells I convinced her to put on you.'

'You...'

'She possesses an arrogance that knows no measure. I believe she truly thought that you'd never be able to do that. I had my doubts until your mate came searching for you the other night.'

'That was real?'

'Yes, it was real, and I dare not delay you too long,' she rose and kissed him. He stood still in his shock, and she pulled away, then shook her head. 'Tis a shame you will never enjoy that. Human wizards are good for some things, after all.'

He flushed deeply at that last comment, and she giggled. Then with a smooth statement in that other language that they spoke there, the fabric of space seemed to wrench the floor from under his feet.

Then there was darkness, and he was falling.

**~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~*

~end of part 6~


	7. Back in the World

[Disclaimers and other header information in part 1]

Part VII: Back in the World

One moment, all was the dark dankness of the dungeon corridor and the elven woman with cropped black hair chanting that spell in whatever spell-language it was she was chanting, and next was the sensation for falling from a great height. He sought for something to grasp onto, but there was nothing, and when he landed, it was hard upon one shoulder. The pain jolted from his sorely abused shoulder to his back, and a groan escaped from his lips.

Sirius waited for a moment before he rolled onto his back and away from that shoulder. There was the sensation of robes against his skin, which felt peculiar after so long without them. It was something he could happily adjust to, however, and quickly. He kept his eyes closed for a long moment more, but he inhaled deeply, and the scent of forest surrounded him, bringing the unique sense of so many different trees that he couldn't decipher them all. They disappeared into a muddle, but it was natural, it was real.

At least, it felt real, instead of nothing but fever dreams, memories, and wishful thinking.

Finally, he cracked open his eyes, and peered through them at the portions of sky hovering midnight over his head, in between the canopy created by the trees. If he squinted hard, he could see his constellation, his star, right above his head.

Which would make it, what? Late summer? Fall? Perhaps winter, depending on his location, which he had no clue of.

There was the sound of footsteps approaching him, and he tensed all of a sudden, ready to fight if Athaine had found out about his departure and had sent any of her people after him. Rolling onto his stomach, he blew strands of thick black hair out of his face and waited. He wasn't kept waiting long, as the woman made her way into the clearing.

A silk hood covered her blonde hair, but he'd know that face anywhere. He frowned in puzzlement; hadn't Dee and her lover relocated to somewhere in northern Wales shortly after the war had decreased the need for them to be in the middle of the action all the time. He waited for her to approach, and took in her other features; the short legs and arms that had led to much teasing, the economy of movement that had made her an effective Gryffindor Chaser.

'Deedee?'

There was silence for a moment before the woman chuckled, a middle-pitch, and lower than her normal speaking voice. 'Well, if it isn't Sirius Black. That very last thing I'd expect to find in my forest this time of night. It's getting near ten-ish, don't you know?'

'Considering that I fell out of the world for a while, I wouldn't know what time it is.'

'Twelve years, Sirius. Twelve years.'

He blinked in shock at that number. While he knew that time passed differently under the hill, he hadn't quite expected that number. He puzzled over it for a long moment.

'Will you come out already so I can judge whether you are fit company for my cousin, or whether Hope-fach and I will have to clean you up before we shove you in the Floo to Godric's Hollow?'

He stood. It was a slow process, since he was so weakened, but he managed to find a tree to help him to his feet. He leaned upon it for a long moment, and just hoped she found him, because he wasn't certain he could move much further than he was now. Thankfully, it was only moments before he felt a hand upon his shoulder, and he had to struggle not to flinch at the touch.

After all, in twelve years, there had been few kind touches, and none that came without a price.

'Sear-bach, you look bad.'

He ran a tongue over parched lips, 'I feel bad. It's... it's been a... a rough twelve years.'

She interlinked her fingers with his, and reached for her wand. He remembered what it had been when he saw it. A maple wand with a core known only to her, Ollivander, and any who might have been in the shop when she received her wand. He closed his eyes, and felt the world shift and change around him with the soft command of 'Apparo.'

The next thing he knew, the scent of a fire burning filled his nostrils, as well as the scent of something cooking. His stomach growled loudly, and he sighed softly, feeling somehow even more weak than usual.

'Dear gods, you look even worse in the firelight. Oh, and Siri, you can open your eyes now.'

He did as she beckoned and saw a simple place, a simple house made mostly of wood and stone, with a fire warding off the nighttime cold. It was a small place, but comfortable. One made a home by time.

'There's a sofa behind you. Sit. I'll bring you some stew I made. Hope doesn't place much trust in my cooking ability, but it works in a pinch.'

He nodded mutely and sank to the sofa. He barely knew how to react to the feeling of softness behind him. Sirius sighed and tried not to yawn; there was too much to be said, too much to be done for him to fall asleep where he was here on the sofa. At least, not yet.

She returned in a moment, carrying a bowl of something that smelled really good. Then again, almost anything would smell good to him right at the moment, he supposed. He ate a little while feeling her eyes, as hazel as his lover's, staring at him while he did so.

'What is it?'

'It's just odd... to know that you're... I mean, I'm one among a few who even remember you, and the reasons why, as best as Remus could explain them. He has been quite angry with what you did. Rather, it's more how you went about it. Somehow, finding out afterwards is a great deal more difficult. That reminds me; I should owl him, or Floo him to let him know that you've been found at last.'

'He was expecting me back?'

'Not particularly. For a good long time, he thought you dead. We all did. Recently, he took upon himself a task to see if you could be brought back to us all, or at least, a way of knowing for certain your fate. I suppose the fact you're here now shows something about that.'

'I've been places I'd never wish for even my worst enemy to be.'

'Not even Severus Snape?'

'Not even that bastard. Didn't we kill him?'

'No. Azkaban,' she responded succintly and propped her bare feet up in front of the fire. 'He's still there, last I heard. Although Dumbledore seems to think he'd do better good elsewhere. He was a brilliant Potions Master, they say.'

'Mmmm...' Sirius said noncommitally. It seemed almost surreal to be here, having this discussion with his lover's cousin. 'What about Remus? James? Lily?'

'James and Lily are still together, still married, still have their one son, although I'm certain they still attempt matters from time to time. The number of times they wheedled Remus to play, er, babysitter, to their young son just so they could have some alone time is astonishing. What's more astonishing is that he didn't complain about it more.'

'I would have thought they'd have a house full of them by now.'

'As did we, but it hasn't happened yet, although I wonder about Lily now. Hmm,' she stared into space for a moment before shaking it away. 'You wanted to know about Remus, did you not?'

He nodded.

'Remus has been retired from the Aurors for about five years now. One month after your disappearance, Remus discovered that he was no longer a werewolf. He owled me, entirely puzzled, then about a week later, he put all the pieces together.'

'It worked...' he let out a sigh and allowed himself to collapse. In all the time he had been trapped by his own oaths sworn, and the malicious nature of an elven sorceress, he had never dared to even think for longer than a moment that the things he had petitioned the powers for, beyond the initial promise that he had been present for, would even be honoured.

After all, gods were fickle things.

'I don't suppose I'll get an explanation for that?'

He sipped more of the stew, and didn't answer her for a long moment. Then, finally, he told her, 'Only one person will receive an answer to that question, as soon as I can get back to him.'

'Fair enough. About the rest of it, what happened, Siri?'

'Um, I got handed over to Athaine.'

'Oh dear god,' she paled. 'Athaine.'

'What do you know of her?'

'That she deals and captures young wizarding men for the explicit purpose of using them to tempt young lasses into her lair. For the purpose of impregnating them so they'll whelp half-wizarding children that she'd have some measure of control over. By elven magic. It smells nasty, wrong, unnatural. I have some allies, and they're trying to stop her. They agree with me.'

'Too bad, she had one less wizarding male to force into that sort of arrangement.'

'What, Siri? Still can't get it up for those equipped with a pair of these?' Dee cupped her breasts in her hands, and smirked at him. 'Or those not properly equipped with a cock to slam into your arse? Or just not Remus?'

'All of the above, I think.'

'Poor love,' she said then, reaching over to hold him. He held her tightly for a moment.

'Oi! Who's hugging on my girlfriend?!'

He'd know that voice anywhere, and buried a chuckle into Dee's right shoulder.

His greeting, when it came, was still muffled by the fabric of her robes. 'Hello to you too, Hope.'

There was silence for a long moment before he heard a squeak of reaction that brought him away from Dee. He then looked up to see Hope gawking at him, a split second before she let out a squeal of his name and launched herself into his arms. In shock, Sirius stared down at her before returning the tight embrace, and she clung to him even tighter. She was muttering something against him, and it took a moment before he could make anything resembling sense to her words.

'...just disappeared and after a while, nobody remembered you. Nobody. And then Dari got an owl the other day from Remus and he described something and she went all pale and said that Athaine had you, and oh God, that's bad and I don't know how you made it out alive, and how dare you do that to us?!'

Then she pulled back enough to hit him before going back to clinging.

He gave Dee a bewildered look over Hope's shoulder, and she just smiled at him in response. When Hope finally stopped clinging to him and let him sit down, Dee shook her head at him, 'Sirius, you never got over the idea that you could disappear from the face of the planet and nobody would even miss you at all, did you?'

'What gives you that idea?' he asked her as he finally found where he'd put the bowl of stew, and ate some more.

'Well, I don't think something like that goes away overnight, first of all, and second of all, the way you went about it. As my love did point out, you didn't tell anyone what you were doing, you just went ahead and in your typical way, just **did** it. Then there's this bewildered look you just gave me.'

'What bewildered look?'

'Like -- whaaa? I didn't expect anybody to even notice I was gone,' Dee responded, imitating the expression on his face. Hope giggled and leaned against him even more. 'What can I say, Sirius, you're about as transparent as it gets.'

Sirius just sighed and shook his head.

'I'm wrong?'

'I won't say that. I just... Dee, I want to go **home** ,' Sirius said, cringing all the while at the tone of his voice. 'I mean, the fact that I'm here now is a fluke, and I'm not willing to waste any more time. I'm so tired, and I hurt. It's been twelve years of a hard time and I'm so sick of my own company and of my own voice that I could...' his voice trailed off, and he ran his hands through his hair. 'I'm a wreck.'

Hope hugged him tighter around the waist, then smiled, 'No offense, Siri, but you look it.'

'Oi! I know it's true, but you didn't have to **say** it!' he protested.

'I think it's the hair,' Dee said as she practically fell onto the sofa on his other side and wound a strand of long black hair around her finger. 'Think you'll feel better after a cut and a thorough wash? I remember how you were... hedonistic thing, or so Remus ever claimed.'

'I can't say he's wrong,' Sirius said, closing his eyes. 'Would you believe I hadn't even allowed myself the chance to contemplate it.'

'Knowing you, yes!'

Sirius glared at Hope, and she smiled in response.

'You were like a brother to me, Sear, and there are some things that aren't forgotten, even over twelve years, and don't you forget it.'

'Who's doing the cutting, then?' he asked. Dee grinned at him, and he let his eyes widen, 'Oh, no, not you. I trust Hope, but I don't trust you.'

'It's not like I'd be using a knife to do it, daft...'

'Still...'

She held up her wand threateningly, and he snorted.

'Such a threat...'

'Considering that you are unarmed because as far as I know, your wand is still in Remus' keeping, maybe it should be.'

'If it was anyone other than you, maybe.'

'I resent that.'

'You resemble it,' Sirius retorted, shaking his head.

He was finding this banter easy to fall back into. Almost **too** easy, in fact. He leaned back against Hope who propped her chin on his shoulder as he thought about things. He had always found a way to bounce back from almost every mishap he had gotten himself into. So this should be no different, right?

Only it was. There had been something of a change in him, one that he was still trying to decipher. A need to find his way back **home** as soon as possible, and a deep, inner restlessness that was more than the sort that used to drive him from his sleep in the middle of the night, and rousing the other three from the sound sleep to join him in a late-night kitchen raid under James's invisibility cloak.

No, this was something different entirely.

This was like a call of some kind, a pull that had him struggling to stay still despite his exhaustion. It was then that he remembered that there was a spell that he had forgotten to take off himself, and with a murmured 'finite incantatum', it was done. Where before there had been the illusion only of his scarred and marked hands, there was now something else there, and he smiled at the sight of it.

'Ooo...' came the sound of Hope's voice from behind him.

'Siri, a claddagh?'

'Mmhmm. I got a pair of them before I made the deal, and left one for Remus. After all, if my gauntlet worked, he'd be able to wear this, and Remus... Dee, you know there are some people who are born to wear silver.'

'Mmhmm,' Dee replied.

'Remus is one of them,' he continued, then sighed. 'I just wonder if he ever found it.'

Hope wrapped her arms around him tighter, and Dee just shook her head.

'If I could help you, Sear, I would. But if Remus ever found it, he didn't say anything about it to me. He probably didn't even really think about it.'

'Mmm... I'll probably find out when I get home,' he sighed. 'Home. That's not something I've thought about much. Or, I have, but...'

'I know. So, Sear...'

'Yes?'

Dee muttered something under her breath, then, and a pair of Muggle scissors flew across the room and into her hand. He looked at them with wide eyes as she turned to him again, brandishing the utensil threateningly. Sirius took that point to rise from the sofa and race off through the house, and she was close on his heels. As he led her through a grand chase through her own home, he could hear Hope's laughter over it all. Eventually, though, she tackled him in the foyer, and maneuvered him into a position where she could start carrying through on her threat, taking away the hip-length black hair in clumps.

It took him a while to realise the feeling he was having, the sound that he heard bursting from himself was a true laugh. It shocked him at first, hearing the sound, and feeling the joy that accompanied it. It had been a long time since he'd felt that, since he'd been able to, and by the time he had come to terms with it and found himself comfortable with it again, Dee was on her knees behind him, placing a few more snips to even out the cut that hung barely below his shoulders.

Afterwards, she draped herself across his shoulders, the scissors dangling from her hand, and grinned at him, 'Now, Sear, doesn't that feel better?'

'Actually, yes,' he commented, running a hand through the short length, 'but I'll feel better still after I'm clean.'

'There's a shower in the bath, just down the hall,' she gestured. 'And the guest room is across the hall from there. I think the bed should be ready, if a touch dusty. Hm. Maybe I should do a cleaning charm on the whole lot while you bathe. And no offense, Sear, but you need it.'

She was up and gone before he could even swat her.

Sirius sat there in a daze for a long moment before rising and following her directions. After he stripped away the robes, Sirius looked at them and realised that they were the same ones he had been wearing the day he had been handed over to Athaine. That sent a brief shock shivering through him, and he looked up and met his own eyes in the mirror.

Surprisingly, he heard no comment on his appearance. He was used to the mirror that he had had before, which had a comment for everything, and this time, he definitely would have earned it; he looked like he'd been through Hades and back, which he supposed he had been. He tired then of trying to contemplate his appearance, and after dropping the robes onto the floor, he stepped into the shower and managed to get it turned on.

Only then, he found himself yelping as the cold water hit his skin. The water slowly warmed, though, and he was able to relax enough to grumble out loud, 'Sweet Merlin, why can't they have a magical shower like normal people?!'

'Because, Siri-love,' came Hope's voice and he could almost hear her sticking her tongue out at him, 'might I point out that we're **not** normal people?'

'Or that not all of us are from Pureblood familes?' Dee put in then. 'I don't know about you, but my family grew up with a perfectly operational Muggle shower, and that's what I am used to, at least. So shut up and finish your shower.'

He didn't argue with her, but rather, just stayed under the water, attempting to get his hair and body as clean as it was possible to. He hadn't realised that he was that dirty, or that cold. He finally managed to drag himself out of the shower when the hot water started running out, and found where the robes he had been wearing were laying folded with a note attached to them.

'These aren't the best to sleep in, but they'll have to do. After all, we don't have the necessary clothing for that. Sleep well, and we'll see about getting you home tomorrow.'

D.

'Oh, and Sear-bach. It's good to have you back in the world. Don't leave again, or I'll be forced to find you and kill you.'

H.

Sirius then did the only thing he could do, given the circumstances: he started laughing. Then he pulled the robes over his head again, and muttered a drying charm for his hair, hoping that it would actually work, given his lack of a wand. He groaned as his hair stood on end for a moment before it fell back into place.

Eh, it could have been worse. When they were fourth years, Remus's hair had been hexed to resemble a lion's mane for a solid week. He had barely left the dorms until the hex had worn off. At least this would lay down.

He smiled then at the memory, and murmured softly, 'Thank you, love...'

~No problem. Just... come home.~

Sirius blinked in shock at his reflection. He had heard Remus's voice when he was in the dungeon, and felt... well, he had felt Remus there, but this... what was this?

And why did the claddagh feel as though it was on fire against his finger?

**~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~*

~end part 7~


	8. And You Walked In

[Disclaimers and other header information in part 1]

Part VIII: And You Walked In

James Potter jolted out of a sound sleep to find the entire house silent. He reached out for his glasses and looked around to see if he could figure what had awakened him. It wasn't something visible, but it was as if something had changed. Maybe it was something in the air, but he wasn't sure. That in itself frustrated him; he never was one for patience, particularly with himself when he believed he should have the answer.

Yet, for the moment, the answer was hidden, and it would remain as such for a while. He sighed heavily as he lay back down. Perhaps it had been a dream that awakened him, or his own mind that spun crazedly in circles.

Then he turned on his side and smiled. Lily still lay asleep. Her lips were parted gently, and she seemed to be murmuring something so softly that he couldn't decipher what it was. Still, somehow, he never seemed to tire watching her, and it was the one guilty pleasure he allowed himself. It was easier now, to just watch her sleep, and know that there was nothing out there that threatened any of them immediately.

He smiled then, and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Since Lily was a fairly heavy sleeper, it had no effect other than a mild grumbling whine before she went back to whatever dreams she was having.

James shook his head slightly and moved to get out of the bed. On nights like this, when his mind wouldn't be silent, and kept whirling around in circles like a spinning top, it was best to not even try to go back to sleep, because he would just toss and turn and wake up Lily, and that would lead to...

Hey, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

He shook his head and headed swiftly out of the room, draping his dressing robes over his sleepwear as he headed down the hallway. He peered into the first bedroom on the right, pushing open the door a little to see his son sprawled half-on, half-off the bed, the blankets in a crumpled mess on the floor, and a faint snore coming from his mouth. He snickered a little, and pulled the door closed again. He turned and sighed, leaning against the wall.

Remus's door was open and he looked to be unconscious more than asleep. The hand with the ring was draped over the edge, and it almost appeared to be throbbing. A chill ran down his spine at the sight of it. He had seen the burns that the bloody thing had left on his friend after that one night, and it looked as though that was becoming a regular occurance, even if Remus was saying nothing.

Then again, his friend had been no stranger to pain. This was the same boy who denied that he had to transform month after month into a werewolf, which snapped his body out of shape for a night before attempting to roughly put it back together again. And that wasn't always successful. They all had made light of it, and Remus was the most guilty about that one, but deep down, they had all known how serious it was, somewhere in the back of their minds, and for the most part, had tried to act accordingly.

But they had been teenagers then, and fools; they had had slip-ups, and had nearly gotten people hurt. James knew that Remus still hurt deep inside for those times, even if the condition that had caused the pain had departed. He believed that his friend hurt as much over that as he did over Sirius's absence.

However, as of late, Remus had started to resemble his former self more than he had in years. There was the appearance of the dark circles and pale skin that told of his lack of energy these days, and his sleep seemed to be often troubled. Yet, there was also the inner determination that shone through as clear as crystal. It was only that determination that kept his tongue from spilling forth the request to stop the insistant search.

Not that Remus would have listened anyway. James could see it already; hazel eyes would flash at him even as Remus would calmly thank him for his concern and go right on doing what he was doing to begin with. He had always been stubborn like that, and it had nearly driven James mad in the early years of their friendship. However, it had been almost twenty-one years since they had met on that platform in September, and so he had had plenty of time to accustom himself to that.

So he said nothing, and even now, he turned away and headed down the stairs.

There were other things to worry about other than Remus's insistance, because yesterday, the Hogwarts owl had come bearing post from the Headmaster's office. James had tried to put it out of his mind as much as possible, and as the owl had flown away, his response was not necessary right away, if at all. He still could see where he'd lose his temper at the entire class of Defense students, pull out his wand and cast a transfiguration upon them all; he had had a nightmare about that the night after he and Remus had returned from Hogwarts, in fact.

It was time to find out what Dumbledore had sent.

With that in mind, James strode into the kitchen where he had left the letter. As he opened the parchment envelope, James felt his stomach clench in its nervousness. He grumbled at the onset of nerves, and tried to put it out of his mind as much as possible as he opened the envelope. His eyes scanned the letter the Headmaster had sent, and slowly, a wry grin began to tug at his lips; the old man had decided to take his offer after all, and all he had to do was let him know whether or not he had changed his mind since the meeting in his office.

He saw the last line of the letter before the signature and let out a bark of laughter. He had deigned to remind him that as much as he may like to, it wasn't advised to give his son an unfair advantage in the classroom. As he read it, James could almost see the twinkle in the old man's eyes, and summoned parchment and quill to pen a response to Dumbledore.

In the middle of the writing, he heard the Floo activate, and turned, startled. However, what really drove him out of the chair was the exclamation that came from the front room a moment later.

'Ow! Bloody 'ell, that hurt. Fuck... Sweet Merlin, James, who dictated where you placed your bloody furniture. I just got out of 'ell and now I'm going to have a bleedin' concussion from your fucking chair. It was probably you, too; sick sense of humour you have. Bugger...'

Sirius. That was **Sirius**.

He was out of the kitchen in the length of a single heartbeat, the response to Dumbledore all but forgotten. When he reached the doorway, he stood there, watching as Sirius grumbled and rubbed the back of his head before trying to get those bloody long legs of his to cooperate. He closed his eyes at the wash of conflicting thoughts and impulses that ran through his mind. He wanted to pummel the bastard senseless at the same time he wanted to hug him until his ribs cracked. In addition, there were a hundred questions he had, if there was one. Until he could decide, he settled for standing there, watching his old friend some more.

Finally, he found voice, 'You were saying, Sear?'

By then, Sirius had found his feet, and turned to face him, pale blue eyes wide for a moment. It was then that James made the decision, and crossed the room, and hugged Sirius hard. The other man stiffened in shock for a moment, before returning the gesture. James growled in his ear, 'I should beat you senseless, you **stupid** prat. Don't you ever think about what kind of effect you'll have on those that care about you?'

He let go, then, and Sirius ran a hand through his hair, and looked to James's eyes to be quite miserable standing there. He shook his head, 'I still might, but later. You look like hell, mate.'

'I **feel** like 'ell,' he said, then let out a long sigh. 'No reason why not; jus' got out of there.'

'Sirius, why?!'

'I... I'll explain later, Jamie. Where's Remus? I 'ave to see 'im.'

'Turn around then,' came a voice that was perfectly calm -- too calm -- and James looked up to see Remus standing in the doorway with a peculiar look on his face. It was almost as though he couldn't decide either what to do upon seeing him.

'Remus...'

'Sit down, Sirius,' Remus said then, entering the room proper. 'I have a few things to say to you.'

Sirius took his bottom lip between his teeth, but did as Remus said. James stood there and watched as Remus stalked his lover, much like the wolf he once had been. There was a fierce look in Remus's eyes, and James was afraid for his friend for a long moment. Then Remus started talking.

'You're lucky, Sirius Black. Damn lucky. I read that spell as well as you did, and I told you -- I bloody well **told** you -- that it wasn't worth the risk, but you went and took it anyway, said that it might come in handy someday. **Handy**. Handy for petitioning the gods to steal you away from everyone you loved. Everyone who loved **you**. Me. Jamie. Lily. Harry, who until two weeks ago, we didn't think remembered you at all. Nobody else did, that was for sure, and that left us in a twelve year limbo. Twelve years, Sirius.

'Everyone else thought you were dead. No, everybody else thought you never bloody well existed. It was perhaps a sheer twist of fate, or just the fact that we had too many memories of you for them to just wipe you away like a well- placed memory charm. That would steal half of my life away, most of Jamie's... Merlin only knows how much of Lils's...'

Sirius bowed his head and Remus was there in a moment, tilting his face up to meet him as he finished, softer, and the anger seemed to almost drain from his voice as he did so. 'It was luck, Siri. Just luck. Luck that I was morbid enough to be going through your old things, and found the letter you left for me. Luck that I was able to put together how to save you from your own bloody stupid mistake. And I'm so angry with you for what you've done, and even more angry because I love you too much to stay angry with you.'

James looked away as Sirius reached out with a certain desperation and pulled Remus down against him, holding him tightly and burying his face against his shoulder. He heard the murmur of Remus's voice, and the slightly muffled sound of Sirius's voice, saying, 'I didn't think I'd see any of you again. I didn't dare to hope I'd see any of you again. I'd never even know...'

'Know what, love?'

'Just... I wouldn't know if it'd work...' he shook his head and muttered even lower, in a tone that brought James's gaze back to him. 'And I really didn't think anyone would even miss me.'

James closed his eyes. Even after all these years, Sirius was still the daftest of gits if he actually thought that line of tripe was going to go over at all.

At the sound of that, Remus pulled away from his lover, who looked up at him as he took his shoulders in his hands, the anger that had seemed to pass flaring up again in his anger, and probably would have flared up in his voice if he had been allowed to finish what he was going to say. However, before he even got the chance Sirius looked up at him with a wry grin, then told him simply, 'Don't say it.'

James didn't know what Sirius was telling Remus not to say, but Remus obviously did, since he just stopped in his tracks for a long moment. Slowly, then, the softest of smiles that was little more than an upward twist of the lips began to spread across his face as he looked down at Sirius. Then he asked him, 'And why the bloody hell not? It worked well enough when we were fifteen.'

'We're not fifteen anymore, and I already know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me not to say what I just said. It's a bit later for that, isn't it? Besides, I know you. You said it when I told you that you should have let m'da kill me, and you're going to tell me the same thing now. Aren't you?' Sirius asked, and then when Remus didn't answer, he exhaled sharply. 'Gods... Remus, how many times are you going to save my life?'

'I beg your pardon?'

'You saved my life this time, I know you did,' Sirius sighed. 'Then there was the small fact of what happened when we were fifteen. I didn't deserve for you to save me, then or now. What? Are you trying to make sure I stay in your debt forever?' a flicker of that old smile crossed Sirius's face then.

Remus just smiled, and shook his head.

'You know, there were days when I wondered why you let me live. Now, I'm just grateful. I know I hurt you all, doing what I did, but I had to do it. Don't you see? There was no other choice.'

'There's always another choice, Sirius,' James pointed out then, snorting faintly as they both jumped, having gotten so wrapped up in each other that they had forgotten he was even in the room. He scowled slightly as he continued, 'You didn't have to do what you did.'

'No, but this option was better than the alternative. Besides, it's done, so I don't see the point in bickering the details to death.'

'But Sirius...'

'No, James,' Remus said calmly, 'I think he's right. This time.'

'This time?' Sirius gave a wry smile.

'Yes. And I love you, but Sirius, if you **ever** do anything like this again, I will track you down to the ends of the earth and wring your neck with my own bare hands.'

'And I'll expect it.'

Remus removed his hands from Sirius's shoulders, and James watched as his best and oldest friend's eyes widened. He traced the gaze to Remus spearing a hand through his hair. The ring still glowed a soft silver upon Remus's hand, yet it didn't seem as frightning now that Sirius was actually here. Yet, that ring and the hand it was resting upon seemed to have Sirius's full attention.

Remus noticed and arched his eyebrows in response, 'What is it, Siri?'

'The ring... you found the ring.'

'How the bloody hell else did you expect me to get in touch with you, to be able to kick you in the arse enough so that you could free yourself from those bonds you gave yourself willingly over to? Yes, I found it, and only a matter of weeks ago.'

'I seem to recall it was more kissing than kicking...'

'Ugh,' James shuddered. 'I don't want to know this.'

Remus turned to face him slightly, and just smirked. James then had a feeling he knew exactly what Remus had been doing those nights when he tossed and turned and moaned... James shook his head hard; he **really** didn't want to think about this. Particularly if those two hadn't changed much since they were in school. Finally, with a great deal of effort, he schooled his mind not to delve too much into that topic, and by that time, Sirius was back to staring at Remus in shock.

'But that ring, it's silver, Remus...'

'Yes, I know. It fell on the floor when I first opened the letter, and nothing makes quite the sound silver does when it hits.'

Sirius's mouth worked for a moment, and James was finally able to decipher the words that were actually spilling out: 'It worked. It bloody well worked. I didn't risk it all for nothing after all. I can't believe it...'

Then he looked up at Remus and bolted from the sofa where he had been sitting. James just watched with wide eyes; he had no clue that Sirius had had that much energy. The door slammed, and silence fell again. Remus sighed, shook his head, and sank onto the sofa. James turned to look at his friend, and noticed anew how tired, how bloody exhausted Remus looked. He crossed the room to talk to him. 'What was that all about?'

'James, I wish I knew. I'll go after him in a moment, but right now, I...'

Remus fell into silence and James waited him out. After a long moment, he continued, 'What I did was as much of a gamble as what Sirius did. We both took our risks and just hoped for the best. I think I've spent too much time around him over the years. He was always like that, wasn't he?'

'He was,' James said on a smile. 'Always.'

'What's going on?' came Lily's voice, bringing the two men's attention to her standing in the doorway, her hair still mussed from sleep, and her eyes looking cloudy, as though she was still half asleep. 'I thought I just heard the door slam.'

'You did. Love, it's a long story...'

'Well, we've got the time, don't we?' she asked, placing a hand upon one hip.

James sighed, and turned back to Remus, 'You go after your errant lifemate, and I'll do the explaining.'

Thankfully, Remus just smiled and followed in Sirius's tracks, only closing the door softer behind him. James sank onto the sofa, and patted the space next to him. Lily cautiously walked across the room and sat next to him. James pulled her legs onto his lap and she gave him a glare of flashing green eyes.

It was then that he just smiled, and started trying to explain all that happened. After a moment, she settled in, because it was obvious right from the start how long of a story it was going to be.

Needless to say, he wouldn't be getting back to that letter to Dumbledore for quite some time.

**~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~*

~end of part 8~


	9. Just an Ordinary Wizard

[Disclaimers and other header information in part 1]

Part IX: Just An Ordinary Wizard

It wasn't until he had sprinted from the house that Sirius stopped to wonder what he was running from. He wasn't sure why he had been so caught in the vision of the ring, why his heart was pounding and why a sheen of nervous sweat clung to his palms, but all of those things were present, and his mind was spinning as though it had been caught in a whirlwind of sorts.

The sky was still dark, and it called his eyes skyward. One of the first things he found himself noticing on this night was the moon. It was at such a stage that while there was only a sliver left until the dark moon, it seemed to highlight the entire surface as a shadow. He walked out onto the grass and walked around the house that he still remembered as sharp as though he had been there yesterday, the day before, the week before, and yet it had been years since he had been there.

Memories that he had ran over and again to take his mind off his captivity. After all, Sirius Black was not one to be kept against his will since leaving his father's house for good, and he definitely was not one to be broken. Yet, in the past years, he had willingly given himself over to capitivity, and nearly had been broken by that same captivity. So it was those memories, run over time and again, sharpened and worn all at the same time by his own mind, that had managed to help him maintain his sanity.

Memories that seemed as well-read as Remus's favourite book, the one he could recite from, the history of the wild magical creatures of the old Celtic lands. Those memories that tugged at his mind, reminding Sirius that behind this house was a tall oak tree that he and James had scaled like kids when he and Lily had first moved into the Godric's Hollow house, nearly a year before their wedding.

As he turned the corner of the house, Sirius just stopped and smiled. The old oak tree, tall and proud, still stood there, and even as obscured as his vision was in the night, he could still see it there. It brought a smile of relief to his face, and he sped his steps until he was beneath it, wherein he dropped himself to the ground. Too late, then, did he remember about the bruises and sores that Dee and Hope hadn't been able to heal before shoving him into the Floo, and spent his first moments of solitude moaning in pain.

So much for quiet in his solitude.

Finally, he was out of pain enough to level himself up against the tree, and return his gaze skyward. The moon was still in his sight, then, and he let out the faintest of sighs as he searched for answers in that sliver of silver light. Silver like the ring that had caught the firelight in the Floo and had surprised him so. His mind raced along in circles that made no great amount of sense, at least for a moment, then it settled down once again.

After all, recent conditions had not been condusive for thought.

That was a statement that Sirius Black once thought he would never have. He could wake up from a sudden nightmare, and find the conclusion he'd been searching for for a week. He had had an epiphany shortly after the last time he saw his father, when he had tried to beat him to death, and had led him to throw all caution to the wind and stop bloody well hiding how he felt about Remus, because at least then, it wouldn't be a secret. There had been too many secrets by that point already. A wry grin crossed his face, then; there was the time when he had walked out of a firefight with a group of Death Eaters, entirely singed, and grinning widely as he found his lover and best friend to talk to them both about it, and they had been firmly convinced that he was utterly daft before dragging him home.

He smiled at the memory, before shaking it away again. While he had thought at first that his ability to think would be left unaffected by the treatment he had been dealt, it had been. No doubt about that at all, and as time went by, more and more time had been spent escaping into memory of times gone by, and less time on actual thinking.

That was probably why Remus had had to show him by force the loophole he could use to get his arse out of there. Of course, he had had other help, but it had been mostly his own willpower combined with that nudge from Remus that got him out of there. Sirius sighed and tore his eyes from the sight of the moon; there were definitely times when thinking was more of an advantage.

Still, it didn't answer the question of why it had been such a shock when he saw that ring. Sirius let his mind wander over the possibility and shook his head when he stumbled upon it. The last time before the deal that he had seen Remus, it had been shortly after the full moon, and he had still been a werewolf. It had only made him more determined when he had faced the gods and made the request of things that he'd be paying for with his life.

The discovery of Peter as a traitor had only been one thing. The banishment of the Death Eaters and their leader that had plagued them had been another. The big thing, the thing that he secreted to the back of his heart until the last, and it had tumbled out, word over word, in a huge rush to take the lycanthropy away, to let him be free for once.

He hadn't been free of that for a long time, and if it was in his power to give his lover that freedom, he would. He would have scoured the earth, and all the stars in the sky to gain that, and the opportunity was there. Did it make him a fool if he reached out and grasped it with both hands before willingly letting it go, even as he fell?

Let it go, they said of the higher magics. Just do it, and let it go, and hope for the best. Because magic, it always works, but maybe not when or how you intended for it to. The higher magics were even more true like this, and the magic he performed, it was one of the highest of the high...

So he had let it go, and hadn't dared to believe that it would even work. Yet, it had, and he had the proof of it. Remus Lupin, smiling wryly even as he ran a hand through that thick mop he called hair.

So it worked. It worked.

But he couldn't seem to wrap his mind around that fact.

Then, he noticed that the moon was fading in the sky, and found himself startled, and even afraid. He closed his eyes tightly against the fear, and tried to identify it. Ah, yes, the difficulty of being held in such a way that time, that years slipped by on a whim, and a place where time wasn't even remotely the same. It had been said once that the places where the fae resided, a human could slip below and think they had stayed for a day, only to return to the world and find that decades had passed while they were away.

Or, in his case, just twelve years.

Right now, time just seemed to be such an insubstantial thing, and if he didn't grasp tightly to it, it would slide away again.

Also, in part of his mind, Sirius thought that all that had happened since he had found his way out of the dungeons was just a dream. Just the most lovely of dreams, and that he would startle himself awake to catch the smell of stagnant water, the never-ending ache of that parody of arousal that Athaine had had him under for so very long, and that he had sold himself away to guarantee his friends' safety.

That last was the only thing that had made it all worth the effort.

Sirius leaned his back more firmly against the trunk of the tree and forced himself to relax, like Remus had got him to understand. He could still hear that honey-drenched voice telling him that fear fed on tenseness, and that if he expected to chase fears away, he had to learn how to relax. Now he was glad for the instruction, but at the time, he would have just agreed to anything as long as Remus kept talking to him.

He could almost hear the fond accusation -- 'Letch!' -- even as he thought about it, and chuckled softly. At the time, he had been, and as soon as he recovered, Sirius was certain that he would be again. Some things don't change, particularly when there's no stimulus to force change upon him. He might well be older, but he still had the mind of a horny teenager who just so happened to have a mate that he was in love with.

That brought to mind the dream he had had that morning, and he closed his eyes and hummed softly. It had involved him and Remus in a very large bed, and his lover was reminding him of his prowess with lips and tongue and hands, and wasn't letting him reciprocate. Later, he had growled at him, still with the tones of the starving wolf in his tones, and Sirius had simply obeyed.

When finally he had awakened, Sirius's first response was to reach across the bed for someone who wasn't there. After that, he found that he had made an utter mess of the sheets, and had no wand to do cleansing charms with. It was then that he tried to use the wandless magic that he had been somewhat talented with when he had been younger, because Hades would freeze over and Osiris would come to claim what was his before he would let either Dee or Hope find the bed in such a state.

He'd never live it down.

It was for that reason that he was much relieved to find that it still worked.

Then, as though his thoughts had drawn his lover to him, Sirius saw Remus approaching him, and felt the flutter of nervousness, but also a tide of happiness. He didn't think he'd ever be able to see this again, this slow approach as dawn slipped and crept up upon them, casting him into shadow. Then he was just there, and Sirius looked up at him. There was a look in Remus's eyes, not of anger, or of any emotion at all, really, but almost as though he was trying to capture the moment as securely as Sirius himself was.

Sirius smiled, arched his eyebrows slightly and extended the hand in the gesture of 'care to join me' that he had always done around him. It was startling how easily and swiftly all those old gestures were coming back, considering how long it had been since he had called upon their use. Remus, however, didn't hesitate for a moment, but dropped to the ground much as he himself had. Sirius hesitated for a moment before pulling him between his spread legs, needing to feel him close.

Remus, thankfully, didn't argue, and Sirius sighed softly as he leaned against him and ran his hands through that thick hair. They sat in silence for a long moment before Sirius said, 'You came after me.'

'Sirius, if you don't stop, I think I might just hit you,' Remus responded. 'I don't think you've been this bad since right after McGonagall and I rescued you from your da's wrath. Of **course** I came after you. I was worried about you, and I don't care to have you out of my sight right now. You just have to deal with that.'

'I think I can do that,' he said, then propped his chin on Remus's shoulder. 'You're still angry because of what I did, aren't you?'

'Of course I am,' he said, but it was a calm tone, not the explosion of sound that it had been earlier. 'I've had twelve years to be angry with you for what you did, Sirius, and that isn't something that goes away overnight, just because I managed to help you get home. However, I do forgive you for what you did. As if I could do otherwise. Too much time has been wasted already, and I'm not willing to waste any more of it with anger and resentfulness over something you felt you had to do.

'I've never bound you to me,' Remus finished, 'and I've never demanded that you do what I thought was best. I accepted that you were going to do things that I didn't like because we're different people. That hasn't changed, Sirius, and it won't.'

Sirius bowed his head slightly.

'I do have one regret, though.'

'What's that?' he asked softly.

'I mourn for all that's been lost that we can't get back.'

'I'm sorry I couldn't tell you,' Sirius said, trying to work his way through the tangle of emotions and thoughts that had filled his head since returning, and translate them into words that his lover, and by extension, his best friend and his best friend's wife would understand. 'I knew you'd try to talk me out of it, tell me there was another way. You did that already, though, when I found the spell.'

'There had to have been another way.'

'You know I was talented at various forms of divination, don't you? Even though James thought the whole thing was bollocks?' Remus nodded and Sirius continued, 'Well, I got a glimpse while I was away of what would have happened if I hadn't done what I did, and it was a bloody nightmare.'

'What was it?'

'James and Lily dead, me in Azkaban, Peter having framed me for what he did before transforming and skittering away. It was frightning, and it was then that I knew I'd done the right thing. But then they gave me to Athaine, and I discovered again what it was to be wrong.'

Remus murmured softly, 'Sirius, why did you run from me?'

'Because,' Sirius started, and stopped for a moment, looking down at the head of tawny hair below him, then started again. 'It shocked me when I saw the ring. I knew the ring was silver, and I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around that. It wasn't too long before I left that you were caught in the agony that the full moon brought, and that's what I remembered. The slightest touch of the silver would leave blisters that were angry and hurtful and that I couldn't do anything about.'

'I never asked you to fix anything.'

'You never asked, but I wanted to! I needed to... I guess you could say I needed to feel needed, and you were strong as an individual. You always were that way, and I guess I was drawn to your strength, especially when I didn't have any of my own.'

'You had strength that you never wanted to see.'

'I wanted to see it, but I couldn't. All I know is that you were put through so much of Hades every month, and I couldn't do anything to help you. I mean, yes, it was my idea to become Animagi, and we did that with success, and that helped a little, but you still hurt, and while I did my best to help, it wasn't enough for me. I swore during our sixth year at Hogwarts that if I could find a way to cure you, and I'd go for it.

'I never believed I'd find it, but I never gave up trying,' Sirius sighed and speared a hand through his hair, still trying to get used to it being at a more normal length. 'Then I found that in that situation that with the payment I was offering -- my life -- I could ask for it, and actually have a hope of receiving it. There were no guarantees though.

'Do you know, I used to dream of what it would be like? I wanted to see you, that first night, see you stare up at the full moon and know it had no threat for you. I wanted to see the light upon your face and I wanted us to be able to shag each other entirely senseless under the light. However, until this moment, until this moment, until the moment I returned, I had no idea whether the sacrifice I had given had even been successful. I was caught in limbo for twelve years thinking that it could all have been for naught.'

Remus turned to look at him then, then let out his name on a sigh, but Sirius continued on, the words that had been locked inside his mind for years spilling out unbidden.

'It sounds so poetic and I'm not normally like that. You know that. I'm still the stubborn, stupid git that you took as your mate during sixth year. I just made a choice that I thought needed to be made, and I found that it was worth it. I mean, knowing that you would be without the pain of transforming every month, and James and Lily would be alive and well to raise their son. We'd all be free of the shadow the Death Eaters cast, if I was successful and the gods kept their end of the deal, since that's never a guarantee. It's tricky, working with gods. Do you know, I could feel us turning on ourselves ? I could see where it was going and it scared me.

'I had to do something. Even something that drastic.'

'But Sirius, as much as we're grateful for what you did, I know I would have taken all the pain back if you were here. I think James and Lily would do the same, but I can't speak for them. I can only speak for myself.

Sirius shook his head and buried his face in Remus's hair, inhaling the scent that he'd been deprived of for so long. 'I know I shouldn't have done it, I know it was a mistake. I know that Athaine is going to find me missing and is going to come after me, but I had to do it. The times were so bad, so desperate, and so when I petitioned them, I went for broke.

'I knew I would have to give myself over for the discovery of who the traitor was, and if I was going to give myself, I might as well ask for all of it. Ask for any thing I had ever wanted, but that was impossible for me to give. I'm just a man, Remus, just an ordinary wizard. I'm not a god, so I had to petition one.'

**~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~*

~end of part 9~


	10. And the Night Turned to Day

[Disclaimers and other headers in Part 1]

Part X: And The Night Turns To Day

The silence hovered around them for a long moment after Sirius's last words while Remus looked at him in surprise. Somehow, though, it wasn't all that much of a surprise, given what he knew about Sirius. He had always wanted to protect them all, from who he was as much as the rest of it. He looked down at Sirius, those planes and angles that were all the more sharp for the experience he had put himself through, but still the same.

He shook his head, and reached down, tilting his chin up to face him. Sirius didn't fight him, at least not much, and Remus looked into those eyes for a long moment before he spoke.

'Sirius, what makes you think we would have asked for any of that? We never asked for you to be more than you were.'

'I thought I owed it you. All of you.'

Remus just shook his head, 'You owed us nothing, and you can protest all you like. It still won't change my mind.'

He was quiet for a long moment, then.

'Are you certain?'

'What I am certain of is that we needed your presence, and you weren't there. There were hundreds of little moments that you've missed over the years that you should have seen. That all of us longed for you to see. Of course,' Remus smiled ruefully, 'at least one of them would not have happened if you hadn't made the sacrifice you did, so that particular point would have been moot.'

'You not being a werewolf, you mean,' Sirius said with a faint smile.

Remus smiled, and ran a finger along one cheek, smiling as the stubble scraped at him, but it was a reminder that it was real, and he wasn't caught in another of those dreams he had had during Sirius's absence, only to wake and find him not there. After a long moment, Sirius leaned into the touch and released the softest of sighs onto the wind. Then he turned enough to place the softest of kisses against his palm and pulling away.

'I've said it once already,' Sirius started, 'but that was the night I most wanted to see you. I've always wanted to see you, just like that, body bare to the full moon, being able to look upon it without even the first hint of pain. I would have given anything to have been able to give that to you.'

'And you did, but I don't agree with you about the cost. All we all wanted was to have you back. I would have... I think I would have taken that back, even as painful as it was, if you meant you were here, and the worst tragedy was that none even remembered you until you fell back into the world.'

'I knew that would happen, but I couldn't warn you because you would have tried to stop me--'

'Fuck yes,' the words were flat, but no less lacking emotion behind that.

Sirius just shook his head, but didn't explain further.

After a moment, though, he did speak. 'Remus, do you remember that last night before I left?'

Remus closed his eyes and sighed. There was no way he could have **forgotten** that night. Where they had laughed and had fun with their friends, had returned to their flat only for he to be ambushed with an intensity that took his breath away, even now. That night had seemed to last forever, but eventually it had come to an end, and Sirius had disappeared...

He shook his head, and managed to convey the one thought that had never changed, 'That were no way I could have forgotten it, Sirius.'

'I knew, or at least suspected, what was going to happen that next day, so I thought, let's do something to sustain me for a while. I thought somehow that it would be enough to last me for a lifetime.'

'And was it?'

There was a bark of laughter, 'It barely even lasted me a day.'

Remus leaned in close, pressing their foreheads together in the process. He smiled into those eyes, those eyes that were so blue it hurt to look at them sometimes. Then he smiled, and murmured, 'I think I've always known that one night, it could never be enough. I'd just be left wanting more, and more again. I'd ask for it time and again, and it would never be enough.'

'Why didn't you **warn** me then?' there was the faintest flicker of a smile.

'You never gave me the chance.'

Then he leaned in fully, nearly crawling into Sirius's lap, and did what he should have done when first he'd seen him. He kissed him. It was a gentle kiss at first, just the brushing of lips against each other. Then those lips parted beneath his and he deepened the kiss, feeling a growl on the verge of rising out of his throat as that taste, that essence that would always scream Sirius to him was still there, it hadn't changed, and he wanted more of it.

He had been right. It never had been enough, and it never would be.

Remus smiled and leaned in closer. Sirius tilted his face up and threaded his fingers through his lover's hair, pulling him down to him. Remus went gladly and pressed his lips against Sirius's. It stayed chaste like that for a long moment before they were delving inside each other's mouths like they weren't going to have another night.

Given what had happened, and what might still happen, that might not be too far from the truth.

Sirius reached out and linked his fingers together at the small of Remus's back, pulling all of his weight on top of him, then moaned at the sensation. This was the feeling he'd had, the feeling that had broken him out of his own self-pity and resignation enough to pull him out of the trap he had fallen into. The feel of that weight on top of him.

His head tilted back against the tree as they broke the kiss, and he let out a sound that was part languid desire, and part moan, then he parted his lips and told him, 'You have no idea how much I missed this. You have no idea how much I missed you, and how I never thought I'd see this again, feel this again.'

'That, Sirius Black, is where you're wrong. You are so wrong,' the voice was husky, and he thought he could detect a growl hovering under the surface. 'I know all of that perfectly well, and even better, in my own stead. Don't you think I thought of this?'

'I thought it would give you a chance to find someone else, someone better...'

'When did you convince yourself of this?'

'After Athaine persuaded me that I'd never find a way out of her web.'

'She is an evil wench, Sirius, and she does things for her own bidding. Whatever honesty she gave to you was so tangled in her lies that I'm not even certain she knew the difference when she was telling you.'

'How do you know so much about her?'

'Dee,' Remus responded. 'She has a few allies under the Hill. She and Hope living where they do, they have to, or they'd probably be dead by now,' then he rose, listening to bones crack with a grimace before extending a hand to Sirius. When he accepted, he pulled him to his feet and murmured, 'Do you mind terribly love, if I make good on some of those promises that I made to you in the process of getting you out?'

There was a shiver that seemed to shoot through Sirius, and he wet his lips. It was such a simple thing, but it made Remus want to kiss him. He smiled, though, and waited.

"If you didn't," Sirius finally responded, "I think I'd have to kill you."

Remus chuckled, low and deep in his throat, and he found his lips caught by Sirius's this time, and he was pressed against the tree momentarily as Sirius consumed his lips and his mouth with his own lips and tongue. It was though he was trying to make up for twelve years of lack in that one kiss, and Remus braced himself more, made his body more open and their bodies collided together in a grind he never would have thought to feel again, had he been asked a year ago, or even a month ago, but yet there it was, and he pulled out of the kiss to arch his head back. There were nips, playful and intense, delivered upon his prone neck and he groaned.

When Sirius spoke, it was caught between a voice roughened by lust and lightened by wonder, 'It doesn't hurt.'

'Nor should it,' Remus said, and reached down to caress the erection that had been prevously grinding against his own. There was a sharply indrawn breath and an arch into the touch. 'It shouldn't hurt, not when it's properly done. Not when it's you and it's me, and--'

Sirius silenced him with another bruising kiss.

It was no time at all before their clothes were torn by eager hands and tossed to the side to be found later. Then Sirius was urging him down into the grass below them, and there was a constant litany between those kisses. 'I thought of this,' he said before a bite, gently done, at the juncture of neck and shoulder. 'I thought of you, spread below me, ripe for the taking.'

'And did you?'

'I wanted to,' those lips gently danced across his collarbone and downwards, leaving a path behind that dried in the cool air. 'I wanted to take you. I wanted to feel this--' he took a flat brown nipple between his teeth and laved his tongue before releasing it, and taking up the other for a similiar treatment. 'I wanted to be able to do this.'

'How bad?' his voice was coarse with the sound of sex, and another shiver ran over his lover's skin, possibly because of it.

'So bad. So **very** bad.'

'Then do it.'

Sirius did, but he took his own sweet time about it, lapping and nipping his way down that abdomen until he reached that navel. He played about it for a few moments while Remus groaned, arched against him, and speared his hands through his hair to hold him where he was. Then that tongue dipped into his navel, short jabbing thrusts before withdrawing and starting again.

'Siri... stop...'

'No,' but he had, just long enough to say that. 'Not when I've been wanting to do this for so long. And somehow he managed to escape those grasping hands enough to lower his head and lick the very tip of the hardness risen to meet him. His hand wrapped around the base and he gave him several strokes before releasing him long enough to lick along the underside.

He groaned, but the breaking point came when Sirius took one of his balls into his mouth, sucking and licking at it before letting it go. As soon as he did, Remus pounced, rolling them over and over in the grass until Sirius was on his hands and knees with his head bowed. He closed his teeth around the nape of Sirius's neck, and heard a loud groan in response.

'You did that... before...'

'Yes,' Remus growled, 'I did.'

Sirius just bowed his head, and let out a noise that was caught somewhere between pleasure and pain. Remus stopped for a moment, and then heard with a sudden heat through his mind and against the finger the ring rested upon, ~Don't stop. It hurts more when you stop.~

So he didn't.

Mentally making note of every vertebrae that he could taste through the layer of skin and muscle that covered his lover's back, Remus made his way downward, gauging by the groans that brought back from memory how close Sirius was, how much he needed, where he needed. Still, when he came to that most intimate of passages, and the place he longed to have his cock buried, there was a a sudden tension as he ran his finger teasingly along the entrance.

'It's been a while,' Sirius panted out.

'So I'll be gentle as I can be.'

'Don't...'

'Don't what?'

'Don't waste time being gentle.'

Then there were a flood of images that had the part of Remus that was still almost the wolf growling. In response, he removed his finger, and heard a whimper of protest for a moment before his tongue took its place. His mind shut off as he delved further, deeper, and he heard the groans and pleas, and he could almost see Sirius's fingers digging into the rich earth beneath them. That's when he removed his tongue from his lover's body, and proceeded to shove two fingers into his mouth. He sucked at them while taking in the form beneath him, then slid them into his lover's prone body.

Sirius froze for a moment after throwing his head back, and Remus took the chance to lean over him and whisper in his ear, 'You told me not to waste time being gentle, remember, love?'

The only response he got was a groan and an arching up into the touch.

'Please... ah, yes. Please. More. The torment went on too long, and I could almost feel you and I'm tired of the almosts. Fuck me, split me open, take me, and make me yours. I need more than the ache, the need, the want, and more than your fingers can give, more than your tongue, more... oh sweet Merlin, please. More.'

And with that plea that was almost elegant in its desperation, Remus did as he asked, and slid inside. It wasn't the hard slam that he was expecting, but slower, almost savouring the feeling of that body taking him in. When he was buried to the hilt, he took a grasp on Sirius's hips, and shifted his hips, just slightly, his body remembering as though he had never forgotten--

'Oh, gods, yes!'

He growled then; yes, there. That.

Things became less clear then, less distinct. There was the feel of that body beneath him, arching and moving beneath him as he moved inside, harder and faster. They both needed this, needed this badly. He heard the pants, the groans, the growls and the pleas in a never-ending stream coming from Sirius, tasted the sweat beads that appeared upon that back, and took them both to the edge. Then, with the barest amount of control, eased himself back while pushing his lover further.

He needed this, he had said so. So he was going to give it to him in full measure.

Remus reached and took a grasp of that firm cock that he could just wrap his hand around; that had not changed, and it wouldn't. Sirius arched into that, groaned out his name, and he started moving faster once again. It was more, and even more still until there was no thinking about turning back, no thinking about delaying things, and it reached a breaking point and he shattered into pieces to be left laying on the ground, with Sirius following him shortly afterwards.

It was long moments before either of them could move. Only then, when they did move, did Remus realise that they were still under the tree where they had been talking. He chuckled a bit, then nuzzled closer into Sirius's shoulder. He sighed in answer and ran a hand over and through his hair before pulling him closer.

'I didn't think I'd ever get this back again.'

'Well,' Remus returned in a muffled voice, 'I, for one, am so very glad you were wrong.'

He chuckled then, 'As I am.'

They curled together in comfortable silence before Sirius started talking again, 'Since I've been back, everything seems so hectic and crazy. Maybe it's because it's only been a day and the main impetuous was to get me back to you so I could explain things, but still, I feel so lost. It's almost as if I don't know who I am anymore. It feels like I've lost so much, or worse, that I gave it all away.'

Remus was quiet for a long moment before he told him, 'If we've lost anything, other than time, which was always precarious and precious, I'll help you find it, if you need. And if you're lost, then well, we'll just have to find you all over again, then won't we?'

Sirius smiled then, 'That we will. Together?'

'I think so. But that's up to you.'

Sirius nodded.

'Do me a favour, though?'

'Hm?'

'If you start feeling like that, talk to me, first of all.'

'And second.'

'No running off with your crazy schemes without at least **talking** to someone first, hmm?'

He laughed softly, then, 'I think I can manage that. For now, anyway.'

'Sirius...'

'Yes?' there was a return of light to his eyes which was a wonderous thing to see.

'Never mind. I know you too well to expect anything else.'

Sirius laughed, and Remus joined him after a moment. It was amazing, how their voices had always fallen in harmony like that. He had forgotten about it. He had probably forgotten more things than even he realised. He sighed and relaxed for a moment.

Sirius smiled, 'At least I finally know.'

'Hm?'

'I always had the worry that I'd done it all for naught. Now, though...'

'No, Sirius,' Remus smiled. 'It wasn't for naught. Never that.'

That was the last either of them had to say for quite some time, as they curled together, and waited. Finally, their waiting resulted in what they had missed doing for so many years: watching the night turn to day.

**~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~ **~** ~*

~end of part 10~


	11. A New Day Dawning

[Disclaimers and other information in Part I]

Part XI: A New Day Dawning

Eventually, even the sunrise ended, but they still remained outside. Sirius had been too long without contact, and Remus had been too long without him. Partially for this reasons, among others, they had no desire to return to the house that James and Lily shared with their son and Remus. There was a chill in the air that brought out gooseflesh on Sirius' pale skin. However, when Remus shot his lover a questioning look, Sirius just shook his head.

Somehow, that quiet affirmation of their continued connection was more reassuring than the lengthy conversation from the previous evening or even the sex that followed had been. Only then did Sirius realise he was ready to return to face the questions that James inevitably had to have about his abrupt disappearance the previous evening. He rose and stretched, before turning to see Remus studying him.

That gaze didn't even turn away when he replaced his robes, although there was the hint of disappointment within their depths. Sirius just grinned and extended a hand to him, helping him up from the position he had become comfortable in, despite the hard ground beneath him.

'You are aware that James is probably wondering what happened to us.'

'James probably is well aware of what "happened" to us, and doesn't want either of us to elaborate.'

At Remus's words, a wicked grin crossed Sirius's face. Remus just shook his head at him.

'Would it be safe to assume that you're feeling better, then, Siri?'

'Of course I'm feeling better,' Sirius responded, draping an arm about Remus's waist and leading him back in the general direction of the house. 'After all, I wouldn't be contemplating marauding about if I wasn't feeling better, now would I?'

'What have you planned?'

'Nothing,' he claimed, but the look upon his face was far too innocent for that to be even close to the truth. 'After all, I wouldn't go about traumatising my best mate, or embarrassing my lover by regaling said best mate with intimate details of the previous evening, would I?'

'You wouldn't...'

Sirius just smiled.

'Never mind, forget I asked. This **is** you, after all. The same Sirius Black who spent years traumatising James.'

Sirius smirked, 'Well, it's not my fault Prongs has the world's worst sense of timing.'

'Ah, but it **is** your fault that you want to hear him scream like a girl.'

'Aye,' he breathed, and if it was possible, grinned even more wickedly. 'After all, it's been too many years since we've done that, Moony. I think I must hear it again, just to make certain I haven't forgotten.'

Sirius smirked, and was caught by surprise as Remus pulled him against him. All hints of mischief faded away as his lover gave him one of his more intense looks, one of the looks he had been deprived of for over a decade, so he just wished to allow it to sink in. Then Remus leaned in and kissed him soundly. By the time Moony pulled away, Sirius could do nothing but breathe raggedly and feel dazed.

Damn, but he had forgotten that.

'And you call me incorrigible, aye?' he managed finally.

Remus just smirked and asked, 'Shall we get this over with, then?'

Sirius nodded before trying to wipe the pleasantly dazed expression from his face. Remus stepped up to the door, while Sirius looked after him, suddenly uncertain. It was ridiculous, but still there was the feeling of trepidation in the pit of his stomach. Remus turned and looked at him, cocking his eyebrow quizzically. Only then was he able to remind himself that he was Sirius Black, and there was no reason to be reacting like this.

He calmed his nerves and strolled up behind Remus.

'Siri?'

Sirius leaned in and murmured, 'I'll tell you later.'

Remus looked at him for a long moment before accepting that. Sirius leaned in and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck.

'Don't tell me you're afraid of what Lil's reaction will be when she discovers you're actually still alive, and that Jamie wasn't just having her on.'

Sirius smiled against his lover's neck and murmured a soft 'Maybe,' before pulling away.

He watched as Remus entered the house, and after pulling in a nervous breath, Sirius followed. Still, he couldn't say for certain what he was nervous about, but it remained. Perhaps this was something resulting from the long time away, or the manner in which he had been kept for the past several years. It seemed impossible that he, who once had sought out company whenever possible, would now not desire it.

Right now, it didn't matter, though. If it turned out to be the case, he'd worry about it later.

The sound of voices met his ears, and Remus turned to give the slightest of mischievous expressions. There was but a bit of the Marauder left in him yet; Sirius had once despaired of it, but now it seemed that Remus had enough for the both of them. He was following the voices toward the kitchen, and Sirius was following him. Once inside, however, he stopped in the doorway, and smiled despite himself.

Lily was standing in front of the stove, alternating between pointing her wand at the breakfast she was in the middle of cooking, and at her husband, who was smirking at her. Once James caught sight of him, the smirk widened, and he pressed a finger against his lips as though to silence him. Sirius snorted; Remus had made certain of that, and he prepared to declare himself not responsible for any overreaction the lovely Mrs. Potter might experience when she saw him.

After all, he had been missing for twelve years, hadn't he?

Remus crept up behind her, and placed a hand upon one shoulder, as though to warn her of his presence so she wouldn't blast him into the next township. Lily turned her head to deliver what Sirius thought might have been a blistering retort, but Remus caught her by surprise and turned her entirely to face him. Whatever she had been about to say slipped away as she saw him, and with ease, broke free from the grasp Remus' had about her shoulders to go over and hug him.

Sirius accepted her embrace, only to be caught off-guard when she pulled back, grasped him by the shoulders and shook him. 'Merlin, Sirius, don't you **ever** do anything like that again.'

'I didn't think you'd--'

'No,' she shook her head. 'Just stop right there, Sirius. You didn't **think**.' Then she hugged him again. 'How could you think we'd never notice you gone?'

'I didn't **really** think I'd be gone any time at all. You know me, Lils; I've got enough of a quicksilver tongue to get me out of any situation. Didn't exactly go according to plan.'

'You don't say, mate,' James retorted.

'Everyone seems to be reminding me this,' Sirius finally said, able to laugh a bit . 'First Hope, and now you.'

Lily looked up at him and he kissed her on either cheek before stepping away. She looked surprised for the briefest of moments before she smiled and gestured him toward the table. He hadn't even noticed Remus taking a seat during the entire thing with Lily, but there he was. He was feeling relieved, and more than slightly overwhelmed at all of this.

He was having a difficult time trying to convince himself that he hadn't just dreamed all of this, and would wake up back in Athaine's favourite prison for him. Or worse: back before Athaine's throne room, with her having discovered this weakness of his. While Sirius was thankful that he wasn't, that he was smelling Lils cook something while enjoying the company of his two best mates, he was also fairly certain that it would take some time before he convinced himself that it was real.

'James, you might have to go wake our son if he lingers too much longer.'

'Ah, that's right,' and James was stretching. 'I also have to get off that letter to Dumbledore sometime soon, before he entirely despairs of finding a Defence Against Dark Arts professor, and chooses someone like Gilderoy Lockhart.'

The last was said with a grimace, followed by an annoyed expression as Lily and Remus started laughing. Sirius snickered as well, but he wasn't certain whether it was more the image of James trying to teach or, more specifically, James trying to teach **Defence**.

'It's not that funny," he scowled.

'Well, Prongsy--'

'Don't you **even** start," James turned that scowl onto Sirius.

Sirius, for his part, just raised his hands in the air, and affected an expression of innocence. 'What am I supposed to be starting? I don't know anything, remember?'

'Hrmph.'

'So, James,' Sirius said, leaning on the table, and knowing precisely how to distract him from his current agitation, if the habits that existed twelve years ago still held true, 'how **is** Harry? I'm assuming he's no longer **quite** the ickle sprog he was when I left.'

The instant James's face lit up, Sirius knew he was spot on.

True enough, his best friend spent several minutes filling him in on some twelve years of Harry's life that he'd missed. Not just the big things like how Harry had been chosen as the youngest Seeker in a century, and how he and his two best friends were trying to live up to the reputation that they had gained when they were in school, despite the fact that the girl was just like another Lily with her initial habit of spoiling the boys' fun. Remus leapt into the conversation then, pointing out that she wasn't like another Lily, but was more like himself: scolding the boys, only to at least come up with the most plausible way to accomplish what they were trying without getting caught.

At that and the filthy look Lily had shot James over her shoulder he was ignoring, all three of them laughed. When James launched into a series of little anecdotes that he'd been saving up for when he returned, Sirius couldn't help but feel melancholy. Remus had done what they all had said he would; if anything happened to him, they had all said that Remus would step into the shoes. Of course, his lover had protested. He felt vindicated because he had been right, but cheated of every one of those moments that he should have shared just because of the fact that he was Harry's godfather.

All the same, he was basking in the stories, enthralled by them all, when there was a faint shuffling noise, and a half-asleep voice that broke into their conversation.

'Dad, you're not doing this **again**...'

James stopped in mid-sentence, but was still beaming as he turned to look at Harry. Sirius turned and looked, as well. Pronglet was standing in the entrance to the kitchen, looking annoyed and half-asleep still, with one hand holding his glasses while the other rubbed at one of his eyes.

'I take it he does this often?'

'Yes,' Remus said, in a long-suffering tone that once was reserved for things Sirius had done. Somehow, he felt cheated of that, as well.

'Only every time he has the opportunity,' Lily put in with an equally long- suffering sigh.

'I am not that bad!'

'No,' Sirius, Remus, and Lily said all at once. 'You're worse!'

James didn't even bother protesting to that one, thankfully. Instead, he joined in their laughter.

Sirius was the first to stop laughing as he felt the weight of Harry's gaze on him. Slowly, the others stopped laughing, and waited for whatever was going to happen. Finally Harry put his glasses on, and his eyes were wide as he stared at Sirius.

'Harry?'

'Padfoot,' was all he said, and then he threw himself into Sirius's arms.

He held the boy tight for a moment before Harry pulled away and looked at him for a long moment, and stepped back. Sirius let him go; Harry was thirteen after all, and when he was that age, he had no use for physical affection from his elders. He hadn't come from a loving family like he knew the Potters had to be, however, so it might be different. Considering, however, that James had been just as bad and awkward about it as he himself had been, somehow Sirius doubted it.

'I thought I made you up. They wouldn't talk about you, and when I mentioned you, everyone **else** never even heard of you.'

Sirius glanced from Remus, who had his head lowered slightly, to James, who wouldn't meet his eyes, before letting his gaze rest on Lily, who was biting her lower lip. Then he leaned forward and told Harry firmly, 'They weren't even supposed to remember me. That's not the way the magic was supposed to work. Nobody was supposed to remember me.'

'Why?'

'Because I was supposed to disappear, Harry. I worked old magic, and that was one of the parts of it.'

'Old magic?'

Sirius just nodded.

'If we weren't supposed to remember you, why did we?'

'Harry...' James started.

Sirius, though, just held up a hand to stop him. Harry deserved to know the truth about it. He wasn't certain what he would tell the boy, but he deserved honest answers to his questions. While he was trying to figure that out, the answer came from behind him, and to his right.

'Harry, we don't know why we remembered Sirius. Perhaps he was such a part of us that the magic couldn't quite cut him out. There would be too many things left blank. Too much would have been noticed.'

Sirius nodded; James and Lily looked like they couldn't decide whether they would have wanted their son to have this answer or not, but finally decided in favour, from the fact that they nodded as well. Harry stood there for a moment, looking as though he was trying to decide whether the adults in his life were trying to give him a pat answer to silence his questions or whether they were telling him the truth.

From the nod he gave them a moment later, apparently he decided in favour of the last choice.

Now, he finally moved from the position he'd taken in the entrance of the room and took the empty seat between James and Sirius. Again, he looked at Sirius with a scrutinizing gaze that Sirius was certain he'd inherited from Lily, and looked as though he was building up to another question. Sirius wasn't surprised; he'd always thought the sprog would grow up to ask too many questions, and he was being proven right. Another thing he was being proven right in.

Finally, Harry asked, 'Now that you're back, are you going to stay?'

A long, uncomfortable silence followed his question, and Sirius could feel Remus's gaze upon him as he thought how best to answer it.

'Now that I'm back,' he finally settled on, 'I have no intention of leaving again.'

Sirius said it in a firm enough tone that he thought they all believed him. He even believed it, for that moment. Then, before Harry could ask any more questions of him, Lily brought their breakfast to the table, insisting that they eat before anything else happened.

He was grateful that everyone did so without another word, but Sirius could still feel Harry's eyes on him, and somehow thought that more questions awaited him in the very near future.

~TBC~


End file.
